He wants her as a second wife without telling the first; should she accept?

I am divorced with children . somebody has proposed me to be his second wife without telling his first wife.. but i am afraid he wont be fair since he is already out of town a lot..
would it be permissible to me to inform the fist wife (since i know her) to let her know about the situation .. i feel is the only way i would accept this marriage.. knowing that he does not have to lie about where he is and so on..
please advice.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

You should choose for yourself a man who is of good character and religiously committed, as the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one whose religious commitment and attitude pleases you, then marry [your female relative who is under your care] to him, for if you do not do that, there will be tribulation on earth and much corruption.” Narrated by at-Tirmidhi (1084) from the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him)’classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh at-Tirmidhi.

This may be found out by researching about the man and asking his friends and neighbours, and the imam of his mosque; you should not base your decision on emotions or unverified claims.

If you are fortunate enough to find a man who is of good character and is religiously committed, then you have been blessed with something good. This is the one who is expected to be fair and just, and to fulfil duties and obligations. Continue reading

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He Divorced Her Several Times and She Doesn’t Know if She’s Still His Wife or Not

I left my husband 18 months ago due to his unreasonable behaviour. He has beat me, spat on me, given me his urine to put in my mouth, put chilli in my eyes, put a knife to my neck and told me to say the shahada because he was going to kill me.
Before I left him, he told me on two occasions Talaq (divorce), you are not my wife and we are finished. After I left him he told me on the phone you are talaq (divorced), and after a few months he said again I divorce you 10 times. But after each time he would after a while kiss or touch me sexually. About two months ago he said he wanted us to get back together. I said no, I want to divorce and go to the mosque to end the marriage. His reply was, I divorce you and I am not going to any mosque ever, then 10 minutes after saying this he sexually grabs me in public. Although he hid it, I moved away from him and he said I want you and I replied I will never return back to live with him. We have a little girl together who is very hurt by his actions. Am I divorced from him by all the times he has announced talaq. I took him to court and was granted a 3 year restraining order against him. Thank you and may Allah bless you for all the good you are doing for many oppressed Muslim women who like myself are reverts and have no family to protect and defend them.

Praise be to Allaah.

First:

The husband’s saying “you are not my wife” and “we are finished” is not from the explicit wordings of divorce and so divorce does not take effect unless that was the intent of the husband. He must be consulted to know this. Continue reading

Fake divorce in the court so that the wife can get assistance from the state

My father is Syrian and my mother is Emirati, and we live in the Emirates. The Emirates government gives assistance to divorced Emirati women and also gives a loan, to be repaid in instalments, to build a house. Can my father divorce my mother in the court, not with the intention of really divorcing her (talaaq), but only in order to obtain this assistance and to get the loan to build a house, because we are a big family and my father has two wives, and we are twenty people. My father’s intention is not really to divorce my mother; rather it is for the purpose of obtaining the assistance. If it is not halaal, he will divorce her and make that sacrifice so that we can get the house, because life is full of difficulties.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

Allah has ordained divorce (talaaq) to dissolve the marriage contract, which is a firm and strong covenant. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “and they have taken from you a firm and strong covenant” [an-Nisa’ 4:21].

No one has the right to use divorce except in a serious manner and for a reason.

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said: The Lawgiver forbids treating the verses (laws) of Allah as a jest or to speak of the verses of Allah that are covenants, except in a serious manner that shows commitment to the shar‘i conditions and obligations. Hence it is forbidden to take them as a jest as it is also forbidden to engage in a tahleel marriage (in which an irrevocably divorced woman marries another man with the intention of getting divorced so that she can go back to her first husband). This is indicated by the words of Allah (interpretation of the meaning): “And treat not the Verses (Laws) of Allah as a jest” [al-Baqarah 2:231]. And the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon) said: “What is wrong with people who play with the limits of Allaah and take His verses (laws) as a jest, and one of them says, ‘I divorce you, I take you back, I divorce you, I take you back’?” Thus it is established that tampering with them (the laws and limits set by Allah) is haraam. Continue reading

He divorced his wife to prove to his family that he’s not scared of her while not wanting to do so

I got marrried to a new Muslim who converted to Islam. After 2 weeks of marriage, problems started coming between my family and my wife since I live with my sister and my mother. After a month my mother and sister thought that I was under her spell and that I can’t see her true characters, so the following day they came to my room and we started arguing and my wife was there too. In the argument, i told my mother that if i divorce her in front of u will u believe that I’m not under her spell? And she said that you will never divorce her and that she didn’t believe me. So I divorced my wife in front of my mother. I loved my wife but I wanted to make her believe that I am not under her spell… does it count as a talaaq (divorce)? That’s the first thing I want to know and the second thing is that I’m a student of Islam in Medinah University so thanks to Allah that he gave me sabr (patience), but my wife has left me 3 times with my children (a boy and a girl) and she doesn’t have sabr. Now she lives at her friend’s house and will not come home to me. I keep telling her that it is not allowed in Islam to take a pause from marriage but she will not listen to me anymore, so just a month ago she asked for talaaq from me on my mobile phone but i didn’t want to give her talaaq, so she screamed at me and shouted at me to the extent that I got so angry, I turned my phone off. Then she called me after 2 minutes and I was still angry at her that when I answered the phone I said to her that I will give you what you want and I gave her talaaq on the phone. Does it count as talaaq? Because I didn’t want to give her talaaq; even if she has been asking me for talaaq for many months, I didnt give her talaaq because I was thinking of my children, but when she shouted at me and screamed at me on the phone I felt humiliated by her and got angry and gave her talaaq . I hope u can answer me very fast brother because I want to know if she is still my wife or not and I don’t want to see her without hijab if she is not my wife.

Praise be to Allaah.

First:

It is important for you to realize that divorce is a law from the laws of Allah and a limit from His limits that he has made clear for His slaves and warned them of crossing it or marginalizing it.

Allah, the Exalted said while clarifying divorce and its rulings (what means): “Divorce is twice. Then, either keep [her] in an acceptable manner or release [her] with good treatment. And it is not lawful for you to take anything of what you have given them unless both fear that they will not be able to keep [within] the limits of Allah. But if you fear that they will not keep [within] the limits of Allah, then there is no blame upon either of them concerning that by which she ransoms herself. These are the limits of Allah, so do not transgress them. And whoever transgresses the limits of Allah – it is those who are the wrongdoers. And if he has divorced her [for the third time], then she is not lawful to him afterward until [after] she marries a husband other than him. And if the latter husband divorces her [or dies], there is no blame upon the woman and her former husband for returning to each other if they think that they can keep [within] the limits of Allah. These are the limits of Allah, which He makes clear to a people who know.” [2:29-230]

At the beginning of soorah at-Talaq, Allah, the Exalted says (what means): “O Prophet, when you [Muslims] divorce women, divorce them for [the commencement of] their waiting period and keep count of the waiting period, and fear Allah, your Lord. Do not turn them out of their [husbands’] houses, nor should they [themselves] leave [during that period] unless they are committing a clear immorality. And those are the limits [set by] Allah. And whoever transgresses the limits of Allah has certainly wronged himself. You know not; perhaps Allah will bring about after that a [different] matter.” [65:1]

So Allah, the Exalted clarifies that opposing the laws which He prescribed for His slaves is turning away from what Allah has permitted and is an oppression of themselves by doing it.

The Prophet (may the Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon him) warned of the transgression of the transgressors and the jest of the jesters concerning His limits; An-Nasai reported from Mahmood ibn Labeed (may Allah be pleased with him) that he said: The Messenger of Allah (may the Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon him) was informed of a man who divorced his wife three divorces all together. So he stood up angrily and said: “Does he play with the book of Allah and I am amongst you!” Then a man stood up and said: Oh Messenger of Allah, shall I not kill him?! In Buloogh al Maram, al-Hafidh ibn Hajar said: Its narrators are reliable.

Abu Musa al Ash’ari (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (may the Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “What is the matter with people who play with the limits of Allah: I divorce you, I take you back, I divorce you, I take you back.” Reported by al-Bayhaqi in as-Sunan al-Kubra, declared sound by al Albani. Continue reading

Is it permissible for them to register what the father owns in one of the sons’ names because their father’s wife wants to do that for herself?

My father is elderly and can no longer tell what’s right and what’s wrong. He has a wife who does not care about him, and Allah is witness to what I say. She is trying to get him to register in her name all that he owns and give her authority to buy and sell (on his behalf).
Can we change the ownership to the name of one of my brothers without planning to deprive her of the inheritance if he dies before us?.

Praise be to Allaah.

There is no guarantee for the rights of your father’s wife if you register his property in the name of one of your brothers; in fact there is no guarantee for the rights of the other siblings if the property is registered in the name of only one, as you want to do in this case. It is possible that this brother may take over the entire estate on the basis of this registration that you are asking for. In fact there have been many cases like this. Two wrongs do not make a right.

Just as you have rights with regard to your father’s property that you fear for, the wife also has rights with regard to her husband’s property that she fears for. Just as you fear that she may take over your father’s property, she fears the same thing from you.

The reality is that this solution offers no guarantees to anyone and it cannot be allowed.

But if you really fear the possibility of undue influence for your father and his condition does not let him distinguish between what is right and what is wrong, then the Islamically prescribed way of dealing with that is to get a court injunction that will prevent the carrying out of any of his instructions given during the period when he was incapacitated and there was the possibility of tampering or undue influence.

However we are aware that there are far-reaching social difficulties that may stand in the way of this solution, and there may also be legal difficulties in your country, so you can convince your father to divide his property now among all his heirs who are still alive and transfer ownership to them at the time when it is divided.

In this manner each party will be protected against tampering from the others.

And Allah knows best. Continue reading

Advice for a husband who is away from his wife and mother because of work and fears that he may fall into temptation

I am married and I have a mother who is blind. I work abroad and I leave my wife with my mother so that she can help her. I am abroad and sometimes I feel the urge to commit some sins such as looking at indecent websites and sometimes I fulfill my desire by means of the secret habit. Will my Lord forgive me because of my mother? Should I take my wife with me so as to avoid sin and leave my mother?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

There is no doubt that the husband who goes away from his wife because of study or work and lives in a land far away from her is exposing himself and his wife to temptation and sins that have to do, in particular, with the gaze and the private parts. Hence we advise husbands to pay attention to this important matter and not stay away from the marital home so that they will not expose themselves and their wives to temptation that may lead to losses in both spiritual and worldly terms.

It is no secret to the Muslim that looking at indecent websites is haraam and causes damage to one’s spiritual well-being and religious commitment. We have discussed the ruling on this and ways to rid oneself of this in several answers. Please see the answers to questions no. 12301, 39923, 26985, 10459 and 7669

Allah, may He be exalted, has commanded men and women alike to lower their gaze. Being away from his wife does not give the husband an excuse to look at things that are forbidden to him, otherwise that would also be an excuse for his wife! And this is not something that Allah has prescribed. See the answer to question no. 20229, in which we have mentioned twenty-seven ways to help one lower one’s gaze. You will also find the benefits of lowering the gaze in the answer to question no. 22917. In the answer to question no. 33651, we have mentioned some ways of dealing with the fitnah of women. In the answer to question no. 20161 you will find a solution to the problem of desire and how to fulfil it. Continue reading

Getting a civil divorce to avoid prison for the husband who has another wife

I have a situation that is causing a dilemma. I married Islamically and registered my marriage in a civil court in America. My husband is muslim and so I am. I recently found out after my marriage that my husband has a first wife and that I am his second wife now. His first wife lives in Jordan and he says he does not have any physical contact with her and he hardly goes to Jordan to see her but it was a family marriage when he was young. We both love each other but are confused as in America our marriage is considered invalid and hence bigamy. We dont want a divorce but it seems if we don’t then he might go to jail if they decide to charge him. Can we get a civil divorce but still be married islamically. He says he can’t divorce his first wife because of inter-marriages in the family that it will cause more divorces within the family. He also a child with her. I am so confused. I thought I was the first wife but turned out I was the second. Now in America, I am afraid that if they annull my marriage then I will not be married islamically. How can we get out of this situation or will I have to lose my marriage?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

You should find out what will result from the civil divorce such as rulings having to do with children, inheritance, mahr and maintenance. If you have a child, will you be able to attribute him to his father? If one of you dies, will the other be able to inherit? How will you be able to prove your rights to maintenance and the deferred portion of the mahr, if there is any?

If you can avoid these negative consequences, and the possibility of your husband going to prison is a real one, then there is nothing wrong with you getting a civil divorce. Continue reading

He said to his wife: I swear a threefold oath (of divorce) that you will go to school

1. I said to my wife: I swear a threefold oath (of divorce) that you will go to school and study. So she started going, but she may skip classes.
2. I said to my wife: I swear a threefold oath (of divorce) that you will go to school tomorrow and the day after, so she went and did not skip class.
3. I had an argument with my wife and I was extremely angry, to the point that I was sweating, and suddenly I said to her without thinking: You are divorced. Please note that she is pregnant.
What is the ruling on swearing an oath in these two ways? Have I divorced my wife or not? Is the third time regarded as a third and final divorce? If it is not, what do I have to do to take my wife back?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

Your saying “I swear an oath …” is not a clear statement of divorce; rather it is a kind of metaphor, so it depends on your intention:

1.     If your intention was to encourage her to go to school and prevent her from missing classes, and you did not intend to divorce her if she refused to go, then she is not divorced if she misses classes, but you have to offer expiation for breaking an oath.

2.     If you did intend divorce in this case, i.e., that she would be divorced if she did not go, then she is divorced if she did not go.

3.     If she went then skipped class, this also depends on your intention. If what you meant was that she should never skip class, then it counts as a divorce; but if you meant that she should go and not refuse, and it never occurred to you that she would skip class after going, then no divorce has taken place if she missed classes.

4.     If divorce has taken place, then it counts as one talaaq.  Continue reading

A man and his wife, son and daughter died in an accident; how should their estates be divided?

My sister and her husband, son and daughter died in an accident.
The wife and husband died at the same time.
Then the daughter died four days later, and the son died four days after his sister.
The wife had a mother, brothers and sisters through the father and mother, brothers and sisters through the father only, and brothers and sisters through the mother only.
The husband had brothers and sisters through the father and mother.
How should the estate be divided among them?.

Praise be to Allaah.

If a number of people die in an accident or in a collapsed building or fire, and they could inherit from one another because of marriage or blood ties, the one who dies later inherits from the one who dies earlier. If they die at the same time, they do not inherit from one another.

Shaykh Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allah have mercy on him) said: If two or more people who could inherit from one another die in a collapsed building, by drowning, in a fire or plague and the like, then there are five scenarios, one of which is that if one of the two who could inherit from one another dies after the other, even if only by a moment, then the one who dies later inherits (from the one who dies first), according to scholarly consensus.

The second scenario is that if they die at the same instant, there is no inheritance, according to scholarly consensus.

End quote from al-Fawaa’id al-Jaliyyah fi’l-Mabaahith al-Fardiyyah.  Continue reading

Should he make his Christian wife wear hijab?

I read many fatwas regarding hijab and niqab, and that wife is commanded to obey her husband, so long as it does not involve sin, and that there is no differentiation between a Muslim wife and a non-Muslim wife. My wife is Christian so I ask if I can make her wear hijab and niqab or dress modestly when out or non-mahram men are present for her own modesty and protection?.

Praise be to Allaah.

The husband should tell his wife to wear hijab, even if she is Christian or Jewish, because the sin of her being uncovered and showing her adornment will be on him. The husband has the right to instruct his wife to do what she thinks it is permissible and he thinks is obligatory, and she has to obey him in that regard, as discussed previously in the answer to question no. 97125.

For more information please see also the answer to question no. 70177

The Standing Committee for Issuing Fatwas was asked:

In some countries it is rare for Muslim women to wear hijab. A man married a Muslim woman and she does not want to wear hijab. Should he divorce her or what should he do? Another Muslim married a kitaabi (Jewish or Christian) woman and she does not want to wear hijab either. What is the ruling?  Continue reading