Advice for a husband who is away from his wife and mother because of work and fears that he may fall into temptation

I am married and I have a mother who is blind. I work abroad and I leave my wife with my mother so that she can help her. I am abroad and sometimes I feel the urge to commit some sins such as looking at indecent websites and sometimes I fulfill my desire by means of the secret habit. Will my Lord forgive me because of my mother? Should I take my wife with me so as to avoid sin and leave my mother?.

Praise be to Allaah.


There is no doubt that the husband who goes away from his wife because of study or work and lives in a land far away from her is exposing himself and his wife to temptation and sins that have to do, in particular, with the gaze and the private parts. Hence we advise husbands to pay attention to this important matter and not stay away from the marital home so that they will not expose themselves and their wives to temptation that may lead to losses in both spiritual and worldly terms.

It is no secret to the Muslim that looking at indecent websites is haraam and causes damage to one’s spiritual well-being and religious commitment. We have discussed the ruling on this and ways to rid oneself of this in several answers. Please see the answers to questions no. 12301, 39923, 26985, 10459 and 7669

Allah, may He be exalted, has commanded men and women alike to lower their gaze. Being away from his wife does not give the husband an excuse to look at things that are forbidden to him, otherwise that would also be an excuse for his wife! And this is not something that Allah has prescribed. See the answer to question no. 20229, in which we have mentioned twenty-seven ways to help one lower one’s gaze. You will also find the benefits of lowering the gaze in the answer to question no. 22917. In the answer to question no. 33651, we have mentioned some ways of dealing with the fitnah of women. In the answer to question no. 20161 you will find a solution to the problem of desire and how to fulfil it. Continue reading

Dealing with the fitnah (temptation) of women

I have read the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), “I have not left behind me any fitnah (temptation) more harmful to men than women.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5096; Muslim, 2740.
My question is: how can I save myself from this temptation, when I see it everywhere – in the street, on TV, on the internet, at work…?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Allaah has created man in a world of trials and tests, and He has made Paradise the abode of His friends and beloved ones, who preferred His pleasure over their own and preferred obedience to Him over their physical comfort. And He has made Hell the abode of those among His slaves who disobey Him and preferred their own whims and desires to the pleasure of their Lord. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Such is the Paradise which We shall give as an inheritance to those of Our slaves who have been Al-Muttaqoon (the pious)”

[Maryam 19:63]

“But as for him who feared standing before his Lord, and restrained himself from impure evil desires and lusts.

Verily, Paradise will be his abode”

[al-Naaz’i’aat 79:40-41]

And He says concerning the people of Hell (interpretation of the meaning):

“Then, there has succeeded them a posterity who have given up As-Salaat (the prayers) [i.e. made their Salaat (prayers) to be lost, either by not offering them or by not offering them perfectly or by not offering them in their proper fixed times] and have followed lusts. So they will be thrown in Hell”
[Maryam 19:59]

And He says (interpretation of the meaning):

“That shall be their recompense, Hell; because they disbelieved and took My Ayaat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) and My Messengers by way of jest and mockery”

[al-Kahf 18:106]

“Then for him who transgressed all bounds, (in disbelief, oppression and evil deeds of disobedience to Allaah).

And preferred the life of this world (by following his evil desires and lusts),

Verily, his abode will be Hell-fire”

[al-Naazi’aat 79:37-39]

So the Muslim must strive to worship Allaah and keep away from that which angers Allaah, for Allaah will not cause the reward the one who does good to be lost:

“As for those who strive hard in Us (Our Cause), We will surely guide them to Our paths (i.e. Allaah’s religion — Islamic Monotheism). And verily, Allaah is with the Muhsinoon (good-doers)”

[al-‘Ankaboot 29:69 – interpretation of the meaning] Continue reading

Resisting the temptation of women

This question is not really to get a ruling on whether what I’m doing is wrong. It’s a question on how to get rid of my problem. I can’t stop talking and going out with girls.
When a girl starts flirting with me it’s like I can’t tell her no. It is like my brain stops functioning. I usually end up going out with the girl and may be kiss but elhamdullilah I have never been further. I know what I do is wrong; and believe me I feel guilty after every date, but I don’t know what to do. Please help me. I’m weak when it comes to women and I don’t know what to do. I pray 5 times a day, and I fast, and I try to be good but when it comes to women I can’t control myself. Thank you for your help. Salam

Praise be to Allaah.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) spoke the truth when he said, “I am not leaving behind any fitnah (trial, temptation) more harmful to men than women.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4706).

He (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) also said: “This world is sweet and dazzling, and Allaah has you put in charge of it to see how you will do and what you will do, so beware of this world and beware of women, for the first fitnah (temptation, trial) that befell the Children of Israel was concerning women.” (Reported by Muslim, 4925).

You have to deal with two things, one now and one in the future. As far as your past misbehaviour is concerned, you must repent sincerely to Allaah right now, and do good deeds to expiate for your bad deeds, as was reported in the hadeeth of Ibn Mas’ood (may Allaah be pleased with him), who said that a man kissed a woman [who was unlawful for him]; he came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and told him about it, [saying, “I met a woman in the garden, and I embraced her, touched her and kissed her]. [Here I am, judge concerning me as you wish.”] [He started asking how he could expiate for this, and (the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)) did not say anything]. Then Allaah revealed the words (interpretation of the meaning): “And perform al-salaah at the two ends of the day and in some hours of the night. Verily, the good deeds remove the evil deeds…” [Hood 11:114]. The man asked, “O Messenger of Allaah, is this just for me?” He said, “It is for all of my ummah (reported by al-Bukhaari, 495; additional material in brackets is from the reports of al-Tirmidhi, Ahmad, Muslim and Ibn Maajah, in that order), so do a lot of acts of worship and good deeds, so that Allaah may accept your repentance.”

As far as the future is concerned, you are not permitted at all to go to places where there is corruption and free mixing, where you are likely to meet women. You say that you cannot control yourself, so why do you go to places where you spend time chatting informally with women, and then say that you cannot resist? What you say is completely unacceptable. If you avoid the places and things that lead to evil, and do not expose yourself to it, you will protect yourself from falling into sin. Fear Allaah, for Allaah is watching you to see how you will do and what you will do. Beware of going to places that will lead you into haraam things. Remember that the more you indulge in haraam activities, the more difficult it is to retreat, so nip it in the bud. Stick to righteous company, and keep away from evil things and evil people. Do everything that will help you to remain chaste, such as hastening to marry and lowering your gaze. I ask Allaah to protect you from the temptation of women. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad. Continue reading

The ways in which the shaytaan tricks daa’iyahs with the temptation of women on the internet, and the wife’s situation

I am married to a religious morale man (as it seems to me and to others). The problem: after using the internet, he started sharing in chat rooms and “forums” claiming that it is for da’wah reasons and to ease it for Muslims. Then it started becoming more than just helping, they started asking about personal matters and how does he feel. It even developed more than this as they started calling him on his mobile and sending all types of text messages. Then he started travelling to meet men and women and talk to them so easily, he sits with them and discusses Islamic and other matters.
I talked to him several times about this, but he never listened, he started even hiding some matters from me claiming it is his personal life. When I said to him that it is not permissible for him to talk to women about personal matters, he says that scholars are allowed to do this. He used to say to me to pay attention to family and leave him alone.
When I discussed this matter with him he said that it is normal but Saudi society is backward and does not understand the value of having a dialogue with the other, and that this society will accept this civility one day like it accepted satellite TV.
Recently he knew a woman through the internet. He helped her and started talking to her continuously. Then he travelled to her country and met her husband’s friend. They sat all together and discussed many matters. Then he thought that the solution for this woman’s problem is to marry her. Then he offered to marry her, and told me that he is going to marry her after he came back to Saudi. Now he is trying to get a permission to marry her even if this will cost him money.
Now the whole responsibility of bringing up our children is on me (which I have always carried). The other problem is that he is busy most of the time by work and study, he is rarely at home. When I discuss this matter with him he says that the Salaf used to leave their homes for years, and that the responsibility of the children is on the wife. And when I open the matter of the other wife and that she will make him even busier, he says: “no, I will manage my time and give my full time to my wives and children” I honestly doubt he will do what he says. I have not neglected my husband’s rights, and I have always looked after my looks for him. And I always look after my children as well. I do not like arguing, I have trusted him, and I have not ever imagined that this matter will be all his concern. When I say this to him he says that it is only Allah who will judge him.
Please help me what shall I do?.

Praise be to Allaah.


The shaytaan has ways in which he tricks the common people, and other means by which he tricks the elite of the people such as scholars, daa’iyahs (those who call people to Islam) and those who are devoted to worship. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) spoke the truth when he said: “There is no one among you but Allaah has appointed a companion for him from among the jinn.” They said: Even you, O Messenger of Allaah? He said: “Even me, but Allaah helped me with him and he became Muslim, so he only tells me to do good.”

Narrated by Muslim (2814).

Thus the accursed one reaches every target, through the most appropriate door. He makes his deeds appear attractive until the person starts thinking that he is doing the right thing, and he keeps doing that until he makes him fall into sin and evil.

If these elite understood the laws of Allaah they would have realized what they are doing. Allaah has forbidden us to follow the footsteps of the Shaytaan, and He did not forbid us to follow the shaytaan directly! Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“O you who believe! Follow not the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan). And whosoever follows the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan), then, verily, he commands Al‑Fahsha’ [i.e. to commit indecency (illegal sexual intercourse)], and Al‑Munkar [disbelief and polytheism (i.e. to do evil and wicked deeds; and to speak or to do what is forbidden in Islam)]”

[al-Noor 24:21]

“and follow not the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan). Verily, he is to you an open enemy”

[al-Baqarah 2:168, 208; al-An’aam 6:142]

Shaykh ‘Abd al-Rahmaan al-Sa’di (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

The footsteps of the shaytaan include all sins that have to do with the heart, tongue and body. By His wisdom, Allaah has explained the ruling which is the prohibition on following the footsteps of the shaytaan. The wisdom behind that is so as to avoid the evil result of the thing that is prohibited. So He says “whosoever follows the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan), then, verily, he” meaning the shaytaan, “commands Al‑Fahsha’” i.e., that which reason and religion regards as abhorrent, of major sins and the inclination of some towards them, “and Al‑Munkar”, which is that which reason rejects and does not accept. The sins which are the footsteps of the shaytaan are part of that. So Allaah forbids them to His slaves as a blessing from Him so that they might be grateful to Him and remember Him, because that is a protection for them from the contamination of evil. It is by His kindness towards them that He forbade them to do those things, as He forbade them to eat lethal poison and so on.

Tafseer al-Sa’di (p. 563).

Our Lord has forbidden us to approach zina, but He did not forbid zina directly! Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And come not near to unlawful sex. Verily, it is a Faahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses its limits: a great sin, and an evil way that leads one to hell unless Allaah Forgives him)”

[al-Isra’ 17:32] Continue reading

How can a person deal with the temptation to show off?

This is an important issue which i want to know about, what happens is that whenever i do something good, i look for people to appreciate it, in other words to show off, i know it is not allowed in Islam to show off, but how can we get rid of this feeling, i try to but eventually i get into it.

Praise be to Allaah.

The one who wants to stop himself showing off has to do the following things to rid himself of this problem:

He should remember that Allaah is always watching His slave.This is the status of “ihsaan” which Jibreel (peace be upon him) mentioned to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), which is that “you should worship Allaah as if you can see Him, and even though you cannot see Him, He can see you.” (Narrated by Muslim, 97).

When a person feels that Allaah is always watching him, what other people think will become insignificant, and this will make him respect and fear only Allaah.

Seeking the help of Allaah to rid himself of the habit of showing off.

Allaah says that the believers should say (interpretation of the meaning):

“You (Alone) we worship, and You (Alone) we ask for help (for each and everything)” [al-Faatihah 1:5].

One of the things that will be of benefit in this matter is seeking the help of Allaah and calling upon Him. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O people, beware of this shirk, for it is more subtle than the footsteps of an ant. The one whom Allaah willed should speak said to him, “How can we beware of it when it is more subtle than the footsteps of an ant, O Messenger of Allaah?” He said, “Say, Allaahumma innaa na’oodhu bika min an nushrika bika shay’an na’lamuhu wa nastaghfiruka limaa laa na’lam (O Allaah, we seek refuge with You from knowingly associating anything with You, and we seek Your forgiveness for that which we do unknowingly).”

(Narrated by Ahmad, 4/403; classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3731).

Knowing the effects of showing off and how it will be judged in the Hereafter.

Not knowing this leads to one falling into this sin or persisting in it. One should realize that showing off destroys all one’s actions (i.e., cancels out the reward), and that it brings the wrath of Allaah. The wise person does not waste his energy in doing things that do not bring any reward, let alone deeds that bring the wrath and anger of Allaah. Continue reading

Protecting oneself from temptation in permissive countries

How should the Muslim youth who have left the Muslim countries to study in America protect themselves from the temptations, besides the option of marriage.

Praise be to Allaah.

We have to note that marriage is the natural solution, and when we think of alternatives we think of them as being temporary. There are two things which will help to combat the effects of desire:

1.     Strengthening that which prevents us from giving into it. This includes strengthening our faith, fearing Allaah and His punishment, strengthening our resolve and will-power, and understanding the consequences of following our desires, in this world and the next.

2.     Weakening the motives, which is achieved by fasting and by keeping away from that which provokes desire, foremost among which is looking at haraam things and keeping bad company.

Shaykh Muhammad al-Duwaysh

Doing all kinds of acts of worship prescribed in sharee’ah and keeping yourself busy with that is the greatest help in protecting oneself from forbidden temptations. These young people should keep themselves busy in reciting Qur’aan, remembering Allaah, making du’aa’, fasting and calling others to Allaah, and establishing for themselves their own community where they can worship Allaah and come together to do good. Each of them should devote himself to worshipping Allaah during his free time and keep remembering Allaah when he is busy, even in the library and classroom, so that his heart will be with his Lord even when his body is with the kuffaar. This will be one of the greatest means of keeping safe. And Allaah is the Source of strength. Continue reading

She is travelling far away and fears fitnah (temptation) for herself

I am a Muslim girl living alone in a kaafir land, after my family refused everyone who came to propose marriage to me and I suffered a great deal. I am trying to avoid temptation and maintain my religious commitment but four years of being away from my homeland has made me sick and I am suffering from psychological problems, because of my regret for having travelled without a mahram. I cannot go back to my homeland and my family are not letting me keep chaste by getting married. Even though I still wear hijab and have taken part in da’wah, I have grown weak and have almost fallen into zina, and from there my situation got worse and worse.
I thought of suicide but knowing how serious this crime is prevented me from doing anything.  I travelled for my work and met a young man from my country who seems to be pure and committed, and he lives in the same city where I am studying.
I cried throughout the trip and prayed to Allaah that I would die on the trip, because I felt that I had grown weak and had lost the ability to resist.  When I returned from the trip I felt that something had changed in me. And I renewed my trust in Allaah and cut off all ties with those who had corrupted me. I announced it as repentance that I had been unable to do for a long time. I prayed to Allaah asking Him for guidance (istikhaarah) and asking that this young man would be my husband. By Allaah, this young man continued to get in touch with me asking me to marry him on the basis that I would adhere to sharee’ah. I told my family but they refused again and upset me because they are not thinking of what I am suffering. By Allaah, I do not want to disobey them, but they are putting me under unbearable pressure. I thought of asking the imam to be my wali (guardian), because this young man is one of the best I have seen in terms of religious commitment and good character. By Allaah, I only want to keep myself chaste for the sake of Allaah. What should Ido?
My second question is: I feel guilty with this young man because of my past sins. Should I tell him of what I did in the past even though I have repented sincerely? I am in touch with this man by phone to work things out, and Allaah is witness that he has never transgressed the limits with me. Please advise me, may Allaah reward you, for my heart is breaking.

Praise be to Allaah.


We ask Allaah, may He be exalted, to relieve your distress and worry and to protect you from falling into the way that leads to doom and destruction and slipping into sin, for He is able to do whatever He wills.

Listen to this divine call (interpretation of the meaning):

“Say: O ‘Ibaadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allaah, verily, Allaah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful”

[al-Zumar 39:53]

Listen to the call of Allaah to His believing slaves (interpretation of the meaning):

“O you who believe! Turn to Allaah with sincere repentance! It may be that your Lord will expiate from you your sins, and admit you into Gardens under which rivers flow (Paradise)”

[al-Tahreem 66:8]

Allaah accepts the repentance of His slaves, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And He it is Who accepts repentance from His slaves, and forgives sins, and He knows what you do”

[al-Shoora 42:25]

What is it that made you leave your family and travel to a kaafir land and live there? No one can trust himself even in a Muslim country because there are so many doubts and whims and desires!

So how about in a land where anything goes, and where the doors to sin are open wide?

Because of that, and because of his keenness to protect his ummah from falling into the like of that which you have fallen into – we ask Allaah to keep you safe – the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade living among the kuffaar and settling in their lands. He said: “I disavow myself of any Muslim who settles among the mushrikeen.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (2654) and al-Tirmidhi (1604); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Irwa’ al-Ghaleel (1207).

Settling in a kaafir country is unhealthy and hard, a life of anxiety and stress. Their life – I mean the people of that land – is an unbearable hell, by their own admission, because they have lost spiritual discipline and the connection with God; their life has become purely materialistic. Mental illness has become widespread among them, and they have resorted, in many cases, to exiting from this life by means of suicide. Continue reading