I am married to a religious morale man (as it seems to me and to others). The problem: after using the internet, he started sharing in chat rooms and “forums” claiming that it is for da’wah reasons and to ease it for Muslims. Then it started becoming more than just helping, they started asking about personal matters and how does he feel. It even developed more than this as they started calling him on his mobile and sending all types of text messages. Then he started travelling to meet men and women and talk to them so easily, he sits with them and discusses Islamic and other matters.
I talked to him several times about this, but he never listened, he started even hiding some matters from me claiming it is his personal life. When I said to him that it is not permissible for him to talk to women about personal matters, he says that scholars are allowed to do this. He used to say to me to pay attention to family and leave him alone.
When I discussed this matter with him he said that it is normal but Saudi society is backward and does not understand the value of having a dialogue with the other, and that this society will accept this civility one day like it accepted satellite TV.
Recently he knew a woman through the internet. He helped her and started talking to her continuously. Then he travelled to her country and met her husband’s friend. They sat all together and discussed many matters. Then he thought that the solution for this woman’s problem is to marry her. Then he offered to marry her, and told me that he is going to marry her after he came back to Saudi. Now he is trying to get a permission to marry her even if this will cost him money.
Now the whole responsibility of bringing up our children is on me (which I have always carried). The other problem is that he is busy most of the time by work and study, he is rarely at home. When I discuss this matter with him he says that the Salaf used to leave their homes for years, and that the responsibility of the children is on the wife. And when I open the matter of the other wife and that she will make him even busier, he says: “no, I will manage my time and give my full time to my wives and children” I honestly doubt he will do what he says. I have not neglected my husband’s rights, and I have always looked after my looks for him. And I always look after my children as well. I do not like arguing, I have trusted him, and I have not ever imagined that this matter will be all his concern. When I say this to him he says that it is only Allah who will judge him.
Please help me what shall I do?.
Praise be to Allaah.
The shaytaan has ways in which he tricks the common people, and other means by which he tricks the elite of the people such as scholars, daa’iyahs (those who call people to Islam) and those who are devoted to worship. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) spoke the truth when he said: “There is no one among you but Allaah has appointed a companion for him from among the jinn.” They said: Even you, O Messenger of Allaah? He said: “Even me, but Allaah helped me with him and he became Muslim, so he only tells me to do good.”
Narrated by Muslim (2814).
Thus the accursed one reaches every target, through the most appropriate door. He makes his deeds appear attractive until the person starts thinking that he is doing the right thing, and he keeps doing that until he makes him fall into sin and evil.
If these elite understood the laws of Allaah they would have realized what they are doing. Allaah has forbidden us to follow the footsteps of the Shaytaan, and He did not forbid us to follow the shaytaan directly! Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“O you who believe! Follow not the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan). And whosoever follows the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan), then, verily, he commands Al‑Fahsha’ [i.e. to commit indecency (illegal sexual intercourse)], and Al‑Munkar [disbelief and polytheism (i.e. to do evil and wicked deeds; and to speak or to do what is forbidden in Islam)]”
“and follow not the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan). Verily, he is to you an open enemy”
[al-Baqarah 2:168, 208; al-An’aam 6:142]
Shaykh ‘Abd al-Rahmaan al-Sa’di (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
The footsteps of the shaytaan include all sins that have to do with the heart, tongue and body. By His wisdom, Allaah has explained the ruling which is the prohibition on following the footsteps of the shaytaan. The wisdom behind that is so as to avoid the evil result of the thing that is prohibited. So He says “whosoever follows the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan), then, verily, he” meaning the shaytaan, “commands Al‑Fahsha’” i.e., that which reason and religion regards as abhorrent, of major sins and the inclination of some towards them, “and Al‑Munkar”, which is that which reason rejects and does not accept. The sins which are the footsteps of the shaytaan are part of that. So Allaah forbids them to His slaves as a blessing from Him so that they might be grateful to Him and remember Him, because that is a protection for them from the contamination of evil. It is by His kindness towards them that He forbade them to do those things, as He forbade them to eat lethal poison and so on.
Tafseer al-Sa’di (p. 563).
Our Lord has forbidden us to approach zina, but He did not forbid zina directly! Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And come not near to unlawful sex. Verily, it is a Faahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses its limits: a great sin, and an evil way that leads one to hell unless Allaah Forgives him)”
[al-Isra’ 17:32] Continue reading