She wants to marry a man but her mother rejected him

I wanted to b a second wife but my mum is against it,then i found some one else but hes not from my state and she’s still against him too. what should I do? I love him very much. should I obey her again?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

It is well known that the marriage contract should be done by the woman’s guardian, namely her father, then her son if she has one, then her grandfather, then her brother, according to the order of closeness of male relatives on the father’s side. The mother cannot act as the guardian in the case of marriage, although the mother is greatly entitled to honour and kind treatment, and it is obligatory to obey her, whereas marriage to a particular man is not obligatory. Hence you should try to convince your mother to agree to you marrying this suitor – if he is acceptable in terms of religious commitment and character – and you can point out to her his good qualities and the advantages of marrying him. If she agrees to that, all well and good. But if she insists on rejecting him, then you are obliged to obey her and honour her.

Secondly:

The suitor or fiancé is a stranger (non-mahram) to the woman to whom he has proposed marriage, so it is not permissible for there to be any relationship between them or any meeting, shaking hands or being alone together. If your saying that you love him very much is because you have heard good things about him or that has come about without committing any haraam actions, then there is no sin on you, but if it is love that stems from any haraam actions such as looking or spending time together, then what you have to do is repent to Allah, may He be exalted, and avoid the things that lead to fitnah and haraam actions.

Whatever the case, what you must do now is cut off contact with him and treat him as a stranger with whom you have no relationship, until the marriage contract is done.

We advise you to fear Allah, may He be exalted, remember that He is always watching, and ask Him to bless you with a righteous husband.

And Allah knows best. Continue reading

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Her mother is in love with her husband’s brother and she is the one who writes the love letters for her!

My family is religiously committed family, Alhamdulillah. But there is a major problem which is going through. My mother is very friendly with us and she used to tell us all her secrets. She tells us that she loves my uncle more than my father. Even though my uncle and his family lives in another country, he comes to this country every month for business purposes and stays in our house. My mother never talks to him directly as my father doesn’t like talking with non-mahram. but she sends mail , messages and even chat with him . She tells us that he loves her back. I am not quite sure whether my uncle loves her back or not. But he responds to her chats, mails and messages. My father knows that my mother loves his brother, he never says it openly but shows that he knows about it indirectly. My father even sometimes asks me whether my mother has any other email id apart from the one he knows and asks me the password of my mother’s mail id. But my mother has warned me not to tell such things. My father’s temper will rise when my uncle is at home and he will be angry with all of us. I have openly told my mother that such things are haram but she says that as far as she don’t talk to him directly its all fine. She asks me and my sisters to translate the love quotes for her and we used to do that as she is our mother. she also ask our assistance to chat with my uncle.
Because of all this, my love towards my mother is decreasing day by day. I sometimes won’t feel like listening to my mother even though my heart wants to obey her. Once, I told my mother that I want my parents to love each other and not any one else, I was crying as I could no more withstand this situation and there was an argument between me and my mother. My sister advised me not to express my views on this matter openly to my mother as it will hurt her feelings. She told me that, My mother had undergone alot of torture from my father and from his relatives (especially from the same uncle’s wife). She loved my father so much but he didn’t give her the same back, and even now, sometimes my father says some harsh words to my mother. she is very sensitive and all this may alter her state of consciousness , this love towards my uncle may be a relief for her from all this and will set her heart at peace. So I apologized to my mother and she forgave me. I used to pray to Allah to increase my love towards my mother and help me to obey her. I doubt that if the situation continues as such, it will create huge problems in our family.
1. Is what she is doing acceptable based on her situation?
2. If no, how can I make my mother understand the consequences she is going to face because of this in this life and in the hereafter, in such a way that it won’t hurt her feelings.
3. Is it harm for me to obey my mother in some matters where I doubt or I am sure that she uses it for the purpose of pleasing my uncle. If so, How can I tell her that I can’t do it.
4. As there was some argument and difference of opinion between me and my mother on this matter , how can I please her and acquire Allah’s love.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

All the individuals involved in this situation are wrong and are committing sin, and perhaps you have been the most wrong of all, for several reasons. You are the one who has been writing these sinful love letters for your mother; you have been concealing this from your father and have even lied to him, telling him that nothing is going on; you did not advise your uncle to refrain from doing haraam things, namely going against the teachings of his religion and betraying his brother. You did not confront your mother frankly and make her give up this foolish and haraam action – in fact you regarded her action and her justification for it as just an opinion, as opposed to your opinion that her action is not justified, when in fact the issue is one of whims and desires as opposed to a shar‘i ruling. You even tried to spare her feelings so that she would not be upset if you refused to do her bidding and write haraam letters to your uncle and correspond with him in her name.

All of that leads us to fear that you are the most sinful of all the individuals involved. You could have put a stop to this evil immediately, by confronting your mother and telling her frankly that what she is doing is haraam, that it is not permissible for her to carry on with it, that her justifications for it are not acceptable in terms of either sharee‘ah or reasoning, and that you would inform your father if she continued this sinful relationship with your uncle. You could also have put a stop to this evil by confronting your uncle with his evil deeds and telling him that a person like him could not be entrusted with people’s honour; by threatening him that if he continued this action, you would tell your father about what he is doing and you would prevent him from entering your house. You could also have put an end to this evil by telling your father about the details of the matter so that he could do what Allah has enjoined upon him of advising his family members. We do not advise you to tell your father unless your mother or your uncle persist in this sinful relationship between them. If they give up that relationship then there is no need to tell your father about it. But if they persist in it – or if one of them persists – then you do not have the option of remaining silent; rather you must – whilst also continuing to advise and exhort them – tell your father so that he can put a stop to this sinful relationship, even if that leads to him divorcing his wife or cutting off ties with his brother and banning him from entering his house. Continue reading

She does not have any male relatives on her father’s side; can her mother’s husband or her brother through her mother be her wali (guardian) for the purpose of marriage?

There is a Sunni Muslim girl who is being cared for by her mother’s husband. She has received a marriage proposal from a compatible young man, but her mother’s husband is refusing to accept any marriage proposal for her because the girl is employed in a government department and he benefits from her salary. Is it permissible for her brothers through her mother to arrange her marriage? Please note that she does not have any full brothers, brothers through her father or paternal uncles, and the qaadi (judge) in our city is an Ithna-‘Ashari Shi‘i who does not rule according to the Qur’aan and Sunnah. Is her primary guardian in this case her mother’s husband or her brothers through her mother?.

Praise be to Allaah.

In order for the marriage to be valid, it is stipulated that it should be done by the wali (guardian) or his deputy, because the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage except with a guardian and two witnesses of good character.” Narrated by al-Bayhaqi from the hadeeth of ‘Imraan and ‘Aa’ishah. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami‘, no. 7557

And the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Any woman who gets married without the permission of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid.” Narrated by Ahmad, 24417; Abu Dawood, 2083; al-Tirmidhi, 1102. classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami‘, no. 2709

At-Tirmidhi (may Allah have mercy on him) said: In this regard, what is to be acted upon is the hadeeth of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), “There is no marriage except with a guardian,” according to the scholars among the Companions of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), including ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab, ‘Ali ibn Abi Taalib, ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Abbaas, Abu Hurayrah and others. End quote.

The woman’s guardian is her father, that his father (her paternal grandfather), then her son, then his son (this applies if she has a son), then her brother through her father and mother, then her brother through her father only, then her brother’s sons (her nephews), then her paternal uncles, then their sons, then the ruler. Continue reading

His mother will be angry if he does not celebrate Mother’s Day

I have a friend from one of the Arab countries, and in that country Mother’s Day is an official holiday, which he celebrates with his brothers and sisters because of their mother. Now he wants to stop doing that, but his mother will be angry because she has become accustomed to this thing and it has become a tradition in their country. He is afraid that his mother will be angry with him and will bear a grudge against him until she dies not pleased with him. He has tried to convince her that it is haraam and why, but she is not convinced because of the atmosphere in their country. What should he do? Please advise us, may Allaah bless you.

Praise be to Allaah.

Celebrating Mother’s Day is an innovated matter which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and his companions (may Allaah be pleased with them) did not do. It is also an imitation of the kuffaar from whom we have been commanded to differ. Hence it is not permissible to celebrate it or to obey one’s mother in that, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no obedience if it involves sin; obedience is only in that which is right and proper.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 7257; Muslim, 1840.  Continue reading

Giving zakaah to one’s mother if her husband does not spend on her

There is a man who does not give his wife her rights with regard to maintenance, and he does not spend on her properly. Can her son give her something from the zakaah on his wealth to suffice her?.

Praise be to Allaah.

It is not permissible to give one’s mother zakaah that is the share of the poor and needy, because spending on her is obligatory upon her husband; if he is poor or refuses to spend on her, then her children must spend on her.

Ibn Qudaamah (may Allah have mercy on him) said in al-Mughni (2/279): If the poor woman has a husband who is well off, he should spend on her and it is not permissible to give zakaah to her, because she will have what is sufficient for her by means of what reaches her of that obligatory maintenance. If he does not spend on her and is unable to do so, it is permissible to give (zakaah) to her. This was stated by Ahmad. Continue reading

After their mother died they were not sure whether she used to pay zakaah on the basis of weight or estimation; what should they do?

My mother has passed away and she had gold that she had kept for a while; some of it she was keeping for us and some of it was just for her. She used to pay zakaah on it, but we are not sure whether she used to weigh the gold and pay zakaah on it, or she used to estimate it without weighing or calculating, especially in the last five years, because during this period she was ill with a sickness that sometimes affected her focus.
Now we want to find out whether we should pay zakaah on this gold for this year only or for the other years for which we are not sure about her zakaah. Will this discharge her obligations if she fell short in working out the amount of zakaah because of some lack of knowledge on her part? Thank you very much.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

There is nothing wrong with paying the zakaah on jewellery on the basis of estimation, if the person thinks it most likely that he has paid the amount required. For more information please see the answer to question no. 145091Continue reading

Her non-Muslim mother refuses to help her unless she puts a bindi (red dot) on her forehead; what should she do?

We are dependent on our Grand mom whoz Kafiir(Hindu) and She forces my mom to wear Bindi to get my education loan for Masters in Pharmacy; we dot have any muslim organisations to support us as we are reverties; we knw none of them;
My question is is it a type of Shirk (wearing Bindi ) for our needs ?? My mom declared her faith still she is being forced to wear a Bindi as grand mom(maternal) is my education sponser I have taken a loan from bank ;
I knw that its Riba but we didnt have any other way to get our education needs to be full filled ; i was working; My bro is working (23yrs) still we had to dependent on my grand mom though we hate to..
And also there are few people who trim their eyelids is tht allowed SIr.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

One of the blessings that Allah has bestowed upon you, your mother and your brother — in fact it is the greatest blessing that Allah has bestowed upon all of you — is that He has guided you to true faith and opened your hearts to the religion of Islam. We ask Allah to increase you in faith, certainty, guidance and piety, and to make you steadfast in doing that which He loves and is pleased with until you meet Him.

One of the Islamic duties that you must do, after Allah has guided you, is to strive to guide your grandmother by all possible means and tell her about that to which Allah has opened your hearts, whilst taking into account her age and what is usually the case with people of this age, namely attachment to the ways of one’s forefathers and the old, inherited religion. So use a gentle approach in seeking to guide her and try to be as gentle, kind and patient as you can, in the hope that Allah may guide her at your hands and open her heart to His religion.  Continue reading

Her mother is rejecting the fiancé because there was no prior relationship or dating

I am a convert to Islam. Recently, a friend of mine (muslim) found a potential husband for me. I want to do everything Islamically, but my mother equates this with what she calls “marrying a stranger” because there is no dating involved. I want to go ahead with the marriage, but my mother wants me to obey her and not marry the man. I am 27, and am ready to be married. Do I have to obey my mother?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

We congratulate our sister on embracing Islam and we ask Allah to bless you with the guidance of your family and loved ones, and to help you to obey Him and seek His pleasure, and bless you with a righteous husband and righteous offspring.  Continue reading

Her mother deceived the state and got accommodation and benefits; does the burden of sin apply to her too?

I come from a large family and when I was growing up my parents began to commit benefit fraud as my mother would claim that she is a single parent in order to receive state benefits even though she lives and is married to my father. As a result of this my family receive free accommodation, extra spending money and many other benefits from the Government. My father also works and contributes to the family expenditure. This benefit fraud is still going on. I only found out what my parents were doing when I hit my late teens. I desperately begged them to stop but they believe that one day they will stop this fraud and Allah (swt) will forgive them without having to pay back the money. I am aware that I also consume some of this haraam money but I have no choice as my parents will not stop this fraud. They still continue doing this so half our family income is halal (my father’s wages) and the other half is haraam (money stolen from the Government). I spoke with a pious relative about this matter and he said that as I also consumed this haraam income I am required to pay back all the haraam money that I used from the age of puberty onwards in order to seek Allah’s forgiveness by returning that which belongs to someone else. Is this true? If so, how do I estimate how much money I need to give back to the Government given that I was also brought up with some halal money? Do I assume that my father’s income paid for rent so I should pay back all the extra money the Government gave my mum for each child? Do I need to return all this money to the Government before my Hajj can be accepted? This money will take me a very long time to pay back. If I get married to a rich man, can he pay it back or am I the only person who can pay back the debt as it is my debt? My parents are very private about their money but openly admit to unlawfully taking someone else’s money. They still commit this bad act today. I began working full time a few months ago and I pay my parents to live at their home. Will Allah(swt) accept this from me (i.e. my wages pay for all my living expenses so that I do not consume any of the money from the fraud that my parents do)?
My parents refuse to stop this benefit fraud and I do not know what to do.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

It is not permissible to commit fraud in order to take money and assistance from the state in the manner that your mother did, because of what that involves of lying and consuming wealth unlawfully. The burden of sin applies to the one who does that and the one who calls him to do that, but there is no sin on you because you were small at that time, then because you objected to what your mother did. You have to be careful and avoid taking anything of this money. If your father has halaal wealth that is mixed with this money, it is permissible for you to eat from his food in the case of need.

We praise Allah for having enabled you to find work by means of which you can spend on your own maintenance and you do not need your father’s maintenance.  Continue reading

Ruling on giving zakaah to one’s mother in law; can he eat from her food that she buys with zakaah money?

I wanted to know if it is permissible for me to give zakaat to my grandmother(mums mother),is it permissible for my dad to give zakaat to his mother-in-law?(my mums mother)My mum wants to visit her mother who is very poor and entirely depends on zakaat,is it okay for my mum to eat and live with them for a few days or should she buy her own food and live elsewhere? If i go to visit my grandmother and she offers me food,should i accept knowing that it came from zakaah money?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

There is nothing wrong with a person giving his zakaah to his mother in law; rather she is more entitled than others if she is poor and needy, because of the ties through marriage that exist between them.

With regard to the grandson, he does not have the right to give his zakaah to his grandmother unless he is not obliged to spend on her.  Continue reading