She wants to marry a man but her mother rejected him

I wanted to b a second wife but my mum is against it,then i found some one else but hes not from my state and she’s still against him too. what should I do? I love him very much. should I obey her again?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

It is well known that the marriage contract should be done by the woman’s guardian, namely her father, then her son if she has one, then her grandfather, then her brother, according to the order of closeness of male relatives on the father’s side. The mother cannot act as the guardian in the case of marriage, although the mother is greatly entitled to honour and kind treatment, and it is obligatory to obey her, whereas marriage to a particular man is not obligatory. Hence you should try to convince your mother to agree to you marrying this suitor – if he is acceptable in terms of religious commitment and character – and you can point out to her his good qualities and the advantages of marrying him. If she agrees to that, all well and good. But if she insists on rejecting him, then you are obliged to obey her and honour her.

Secondly:

The suitor or fiancé is a stranger (non-mahram) to the woman to whom he has proposed marriage, so it is not permissible for there to be any relationship between them or any meeting, shaking hands or being alone together. If your saying that you love him very much is because you have heard good things about him or that has come about without committing any haraam actions, then there is no sin on you, but if it is love that stems from any haraam actions such as looking or spending time together, then what you have to do is repent to Allah, may He be exalted, and avoid the things that lead to fitnah and haraam actions.

Whatever the case, what you must do now is cut off contact with him and treat him as a stranger with whom you have no relationship, until the marriage contract is done.

We advise you to fear Allah, may He be exalted, remember that He is always watching, and ask Him to bless you with a righteous husband.

And Allah knows best. Continue reading

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Can a Suitor Lie to the Non-Muslim Family of the Girl He Wants to Marry and Say He is Unmarried

Last year I came to know of this brother who teaches Islamic classes and also through da’wah work. He seems to be like a religious brother (Hafiz of Qur’an and organizes Islamic activities maasha’Allah), and Allah knows best.
This brother will be getting married this year, and then wants to marry me next year insha’Allah (as I would like to get married after I graduate from unviersity insha’Allah)…so that would make me his second wife.
The issue is – my family is not Muslim (non-practicing Shi’a, atheist, agnostic, etc) – since two male family members have spoken to me about the topic of polygamy already, I suspect that they would ask any suitor if he has other wives.
I asked the person going between me and the brother how he could answer that…because I believe my family would only accept ‘no, I don’t’ as an answer and if he said that, that would be lying.
His response was that it is permissible to lie in this situation to prevent family ties being broken.
I’m really unsure about if this would be a permissible situation for him to lie in? Do you think I should enter into this marriage? I would appreciate your advice.

Praise be to Allaah.

First:

If you have a Muslim guardian, he would be the one handling your marriage and the suitor would need to answer him truthfully if he were to ask him about that. The guardian has the right to look into these matters for the benefit of his principal and to enlighten her on matters she may not perceive the outcomes of.

And if you do not have a Muslim guardian from your relatives, your marriage should be handled by the Imam of an Islamic Centre, or someone similar who has a position of respect among the Muslim community and your relatives would have no authority over you. In that case we could say: If the suitor is a pious man and you fear that if he were to inform them of his previous marriage they would refuse him, then he can use what is known as tawriyah, which is basically the use of speech which can be understood in different ways (intending for them to understand other than the reality). For example, he may say: “I did not marry (i.e. a year ago)”. But he should beware of saying: “I am not married” or “I don’t have a wife” as that is considered as an implicit divorce according to some jurists and the divorce would be valid if he had that intention.  Continue reading

He committed zina with a girl and wants to marry her, but her family are refusing and he has some questions

I was sexually involved with a girl who was from my relatives but far relatives. Her ammi asked her to leave me because near her i was misbehaving person. I misbehaved her then i felt regret and asked for her sorry i asked for her sorry i beg her to forgive me and i hold her legs and asked for her forgiveness, she said she has forgiven me but she said she will not marry her daughter with me.
Her daughter was with me since 5 years and we have committed zina uncountable times for which we both regret and ask for forgiveness from ALLAH.
the girl was sincere with me and i was sincere with her, she said we will both marry cause we have done zina. then after i misbehave with her ammi even i asked for her ammis forgivesness by sitting down in her legs and holding her legs, after which she was with me for almost 1 and half year. Her ammi kept telling her to leave me but she didnt leave me coz she was sincere with me and coz we had committed zina we both wanted to get married with each other, but suddenly she said she cant live with me and she left me. since 1 year i have tried my best to contact her even i gave her some threats (only for reason that she talks with me so i can make her understand that i will not repeat that type of behave in future and will do as she will say) but she didnt contact me and not talking with me after that.
I don’t know if her ammi has emotionally blackmailed her by telling her that she feeling pain in her left arms ( so she thinks her ammi is getting heart problem) or took promise from her that she wont talk with me im not sure but her ammi used to brain wash her by telling other peoples bad stories like someone beat her wife and someone has left her wife and someone gave divorce to her wife etc.she even said she has asked some baba( might be some religious person) that i will leave her after getting married. All i know is that ilm-e-gaib noone can tell.
1. Sir, my question is that what is the solution if we have committed zina shouldn’t we get married? if we get married will it decrease our gunah?
2. if we don’t get married our gunah can be forgiven by allah IF WE BOTH TAKE 100 LASHES? or simply just ask ALLAH for HIS forgivesness without taking 100 lashes?
3. If she wants to get married and her ammi is not letting us then we deserve the same gunah of 100 lashes?
4. If girl has changed her mind from marrying because of her ammi while i ( boy) still wants to get married for the sake of gunah of zina he has committed with this girl. if girl don’t want to get married even she knows that she should get married with a person she has committed zina what will be the degree of gunah for the boy and for the girl?
5. if girl don’t get married because of her ammi, who will be responsible for the gunah that she is committing by not getting married with the same person her ammi or she will?
6. if the girl don’t marry with that same person what will be the degree of the zina’s gunah for the boy even if he wants to get married?
I will be very thankful to you if you will give your precious time in answering my questions

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

You should understand that you have a problem with regard to your religious commitment, and that is the greatest of calamities. You should also understand that the evil act of zina is one of the greatest sins that Allah forbids to His slaves and has highlighted to them its evil consequences. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And come not near to the unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily, it is a Fahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses its limits (a great sin)), and an evil way (that leads one to Hell unless Allah forgives him)”

[al-Isra’ 17:23].  Continue reading

He promised to marry her; does he have any marital rights

I have a female friend who got to know a young man; circumstances prevented him from proposing to her before he travelled, but he made a pledge that she is his wife before Allah and he intends to marry her when he comes back. Does he have any marital rights over her? Can he see her over the Internet without hijab?.

Praise be to Allaah.

The mere fact that your friend got to know this young man and he promised to marry her does not make her his wife under any circumstances. It is not permissible for him to see her and he has no marital rights over her, because the marriage contract was not done between them; rather she is a non-mahram to him.

His saying to her, “You are my wife before Allah” is not correct, because she is not his wife, either before Allah or before the people. The marriage contract is not done with words such as this; rather it is essential that there be the proposal and acceptance, in the presence of her guardian and with his approval, and in the presence of two Muslim witnesses.

So long as none of that has happened, she is not his wife.  Continue reading

She wants to marry a man who had cancer and her parents refuse

I am interested in marrying a man who has a history of childhood cancer. He has been cancer-free for 7 years (since when he was first diagnosed), is perfectly healthy now, not on any medications and lives a normal life. The doctors have given him the clear and have declared him completely cured. However, my parents are completely against this marriage because they believe he can have a relapse. He is the most wonderful and Godfearing human being I know and I strongly believe that life, death and health is in Allahs hands and no body can predict the future for even healthy people. Please kindly advise how I can convince my parents to agree to this marriage.

Praise be to Allaah.

There is nothing wrong with marrying someone who had cancer then recovered; in fact there is nothing wrong with marrying a person who has cancer, so long as the woman agrees to that.

There are many people whom Allah tests with sickness in childhood, then He heals them and blesses them, so a proposal should not be rejected because of that, so long as the person is a righteous Muslim. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one whose religious commitment and attitude pleases you, then marry [your female relative who is under your care] to him, for if you do not do that, there will be tribulation on earth and much corruption.” Narrated by at-Tirmidhi (1084) from the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh at-Tirmidhi.

If the suitor is acceptable in terms of religious commitment and character, and Allah has healed him of this sickness, and his condition is stable according to the testimony of the doctors, then he should not be rejected.  Continue reading

Can she ask for a divorce because she does not want her husband and was forced to marry him?

I have a friend who would like a divorce. She had a kidney problem and was forced to marry a guy she did not want to. There was another donor who was prepared to donate a kidney but was rejected for this guy who was divorced with a child. She is miserable and her health has deteriorated. They don’t talk to each other and fight all the time. He just married her so that she can look after his child. They haven’t even consummated their marriage yet and they don’t even sleep in the same room. Can she get a divorce, please advise.

Praise be to Allaah.

If a woman will be harmed by staying with her husband because he mistreats her and argues with her a great deal, it is permissible for her to ask for divorce, because of the report narrated by at-Tirmidhi (1187), Abu Dawood (2226) and Ibn Maajah (2055) from Thawbaan (may Allah be pleased with him), according to which the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Any woman who asks her husband for a divorce when it is not absolutely necessary, the fragrance of Paradise will be forbidden to her.”

This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh at-Tirmidhi.  Continue reading

Should he obey his parents and marry someone who is not religiously committed?

My parents got me two matches for marriage where as i am nervous whether they are suitable for me or not. I am religious person offering salah five times and follow sunnah. My choice was Aalim girl but my family semi religious they dont want this girl to be our family member becoz they feel she will dominate us. What are the questions should i ask to girl when i meet her along with family members? I dont have property and i am against to dowry. Kindly help in this regards. In my past i made lot of sins where as i feel guilty and repent should i disclose with her and be true with her?
My second question is everyday i feel so scared about Allah punishment i am unable to live happily. Sometimes i feel grave and cry like anything. I am feeling stressed however i am asking forgiveness from allah. But due to this i am unable to be happy.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

The Prophet’s advice to anyone who wants to get married is to choose a woman who is religiously committed, who will help him with regard to his affairs in this world and in the Hereafter. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said, encouraging marriage to one who is religiously committed: “Women may be married for four things: their wealth, their lineage, their beauty and their religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5090; Muslim, 1466.   Continue reading

He gave her gifts to marry him; can he ask for the gifts to be returned if she refuses to marry him?

I was engaged and my fincee gave me gifts and an amount of money to buy gold and the rest for going out (he is not from my country). Then I refused to marry him and asked to break the engagement, but he insisted on continuing. After all he asked for all what he gave me. Am I obliged to return the gold only, or all the gifts? Considering that I didn’t ask him for these, and some of them is no longer in my possession. Also, must I return the money he gave me, although he used it with me?.

Praise be to Allaah.

If a man proposes marriage to a woman and offers her gifts to marry him, then she refuses to marry him, he has the right to ask her to give back the gifts that he gave her.

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in al-Fataawa al-Kubra (5/472): Even if the gifts were given before the marriage contract (nikaah) and they had promised marriage but then they gave the girl in marriage to someone else, he may take them back. End quote.  Continue reading

He vowed to marry a certain girl then he did not fulfil his vow

I vowed to Allaah that I would not marry any girl except this girl, and that if I married anyone else I would fast for three months. Then I found that I could not fulfil my vow, and I do not have any work so that I could feed the poor every day. What is the solution? May Allaah reward you with good.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

What the Muslim should do is avoid making vows, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told us not to do that.

Al-Bukhaari (6608) and Muslim (1639) narrated that Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told us not to make vows and said: “They do not change anything, rather they are a means of making the miser give something.”

See also question no. 32724 and 36800Continue reading

He committed zina with a woman and wants to marry her, but her father refuses

I have more of a problem, than a question to ask. I have had a Muslim girlfriend for 2 years, but recently split up. I know that she feels the same way as me, and that we want to marry. The problem is that her parents have warned her not to contact me. If I was to tell them that I took their daughters virginity, will this give me the right to her hand in marriage. I know that it was a sin to do this, but I wasa doing it before I converted to Islam. Now she says that she must obey her family, but i’m so desperate to be with her (for the right reasons) and take her as my wife. In the country where she is from, there are ‘religous police’ if we had intercourse in her country, then they’d make us marry, but we don it in the UK, does this matter? Please help me, i’m in total dispear at this situation. I will do anything to allow her to become my wife. 

Praise be to Allaah.

You must hasten to repent to Allaah from this evil action and major sin, and to ask for forgiveness and do a lot of righteous deeds so that Allaah may forgive you. With regard to the girl with whom you committed zina, it is not permissible for you to marry her unless you both repent to Allaah, it is clear that she is not pregnant and her legal guardian consents to your marrying her. Otherwise, look for a chaste girl and remember how grave your sin was. May Allaah forgive us and you. Continue reading