Advice for a husband who is away from his wife and mother because of work and fears that he may fall into temptation

I am married and I have a mother who is blind. I work abroad and I leave my wife with my mother so that she can help her. I am abroad and sometimes I feel the urge to commit some sins such as looking at indecent websites and sometimes I fulfill my desire by means of the secret habit. Will my Lord forgive me because of my mother? Should I take my wife with me so as to avoid sin and leave my mother?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

There is no doubt that the husband who goes away from his wife because of study or work and lives in a land far away from her is exposing himself and his wife to temptation and sins that have to do, in particular, with the gaze and the private parts. Hence we advise husbands to pay attention to this important matter and not stay away from the marital home so that they will not expose themselves and their wives to temptation that may lead to losses in both spiritual and worldly terms.

It is no secret to the Muslim that looking at indecent websites is haraam and causes damage to one’s spiritual well-being and religious commitment. We have discussed the ruling on this and ways to rid oneself of this in several answers. Please see the answers to questions no. 12301, 39923, 26985, 10459 and 7669

Allah, may He be exalted, has commanded men and women alike to lower their gaze. Being away from his wife does not give the husband an excuse to look at things that are forbidden to him, otherwise that would also be an excuse for his wife! And this is not something that Allah has prescribed. See the answer to question no. 20229, in which we have mentioned twenty-seven ways to help one lower one’s gaze. You will also find the benefits of lowering the gaze in the answer to question no. 22917. In the answer to question no. 33651, we have mentioned some ways of dealing with the fitnah of women. In the answer to question no. 20161 you will find a solution to the problem of desire and how to fulfil it. Continue reading

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Getting a civil divorce to avoid prison for the husband who has another wife

I have a situation that is causing a dilemma. I married Islamically and registered my marriage in a civil court in America. My husband is muslim and so I am. I recently found out after my marriage that my husband has a first wife and that I am his second wife now. His first wife lives in Jordan and he says he does not have any physical contact with her and he hardly goes to Jordan to see her but it was a family marriage when he was young. We both love each other but are confused as in America our marriage is considered invalid and hence bigamy. We dont want a divorce but it seems if we don’t then he might go to jail if they decide to charge him. Can we get a civil divorce but still be married islamically. He says he can’t divorce his first wife because of inter-marriages in the family that it will cause more divorces within the family. He also a child with her. I am so confused. I thought I was the first wife but turned out I was the second. Now in America, I am afraid that if they annull my marriage then I will not be married islamically. How can we get out of this situation or will I have to lose my marriage?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

You should find out what will result from the civil divorce such as rulings having to do with children, inheritance, mahr and maintenance. If you have a child, will you be able to attribute him to his father? If one of you dies, will the other be able to inherit? How will you be able to prove your rights to maintenance and the deferred portion of the mahr, if there is any?

If you can avoid these negative consequences, and the possibility of your husband going to prison is a real one, then there is nothing wrong with you getting a civil divorce. Continue reading

He married a woman before the end of her ‘iddah following the death of her husband

A man married a woman who was still in ‘iddah following the death of her husband, before the ‘iddah ended. This happened thirty years ago without any knowledge of Islam, and now she has children from her second husband. What should she do?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

What is required of a woman after her husband dies is to observe an ‘iddah of four months and ten days from the date of his death, if she is not pregnant, because Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And those of you who die and leave wives behind them, they (the wives) shall wait (as regards their marriage) for four months and ten days”

[al-Baqarah 2:234]

If she is pregnant, then her ‘iddah lasts until she gives birth, because Allah may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And for those who are pregnant (whether they are divorced or their husbands are dead), their Iddah (prescribed period) is until they deliver (their burdens),”

[at-Talaaq 65:4].

If she gets married during the ‘iddah, then her marriage is invalid according to scholarly consensus, and they must be separated. Continue reading

It was written in her marriage contract that she had received her mahr but she has not received it and she has started to resent her husband

I got married four years ago and it was written in the marriage contract that I had received the mahr. But in fact that is not true and I did not receive anything from him. Deep down in my heart I feel inferior because I have not got it and everyone around me has got their mahrs, and I have started to resent my husband. What is the ruling on this issue? What should I do to avoid haraam? Please note that my husband’s financial situation is better than before.

Praise be to Allaah.

The mahr is the woman’s right in her marriage, because Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart”

[an-Nisa’ 4:4]

“so with those of whom you have enjoyed sexual relations, give them their Mahr as prescribed”

[an-Nisa’ 4:24].

Agreement should be made on the mahr and it should be mentioned in the marriage contract; if no agreement has been reached and it is not mentioned in the marriage contract, the marriage is still valid and the woman should have a mahr like that of her peers.

You did not explain in your question whether agreement had been reached on a specific mahr or nor, or whether it was to be paid immediately or deferred. If there was agreement on something specific, it is obligatory to adhere to that and in that case what was written in the contract about you having received the mahr does not count for anything.

The wife has the right to demand her immediate mahr and to refuse to let her husband be intimate with her until he has given her her mahr. As for the deferred portion, she should not demand it unless the time for it comes. Continue reading

Where should a revocably-divorced woman observe ‘iddah when her husband is in another country and there is no marital home?

If a husband and wife are living in two different countries, and each is living in a different country to complete his or her studies, and the last time they met was two months ago, and he contacted her recently and told her that he had divorced her, does she have to go to his house to observe the ‘iddah? Please note that he does not have his own house in the first place.
The wife is a new Muslim and has no Muslim among her relatives in her own country. Her husband lives with two other people in the apartment where he is staying. What should they do then? How can she stay near him during her ‘iddah so that his heart may be softened and he may take her back?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

The woman who is revocably divorced (first or second talaaq) has to stay in her husband’s house and it is haraam for her to leave it. She is also entitled to be provided with accommodation by him, and for him to spend on her maintenance during the ‘iddah, and it is haraam for her husband to turn her out of her home during this period, because Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “and turn them not out of their (husbands’) homes, nor shall they (themselves) leave, except in case they are guilty of some open illegal sexual intercourse. And those are the set limits of Allah. And whosoever transgresses the set limits of Allah, then indeed he has wronged himself” [at-Talaaq 65:1].

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: What highlights the difference between ‘iddah in the case of revocable divorce and in irrevocable divorce is that ‘iddah in the case of revocable divorce is for the husband’s sake (to make it easier for him to take her back), and the wife is entitled to maintenance and accommodation during this period according to the scholarly consensus of the Muslims.

End quote from Zaad al-Ma‘aad fi Hadi Khayr al-‘Ibaad, 5/674

It says in al-Mawsoo‘ah al-Fiqhiyyah (25/113): The woman who is observing ‘iddah in the case of revocable divorce is still regarded as a wife, because the marriage contract is still in effect; so her status after divorce (talaaq) is the same as her status before it. Hence the scholars are unanimously agreed that she is still entitled to accommodation, because Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Lodge them (the divorced women) where you dwell” [at-Talaaq 65:6]. End quote.

The husband has the right to take back his wife who is revocably divorced during her ‘iddah, and she does not have the right to refuse to go back to him. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And their husbands have the better right to take them back in that period, if they wish for reconciliation” [al-Baqarah 2:228]. Continue reading

She is refusing to travel with her husband because it is too difficult for her to live in a foreign country far away from her family

I am Egyptian, working in Saudi. I have got married and I agreed with my wife’s family that she would live with me in Saudi. They agreed and wet lived together for three years. But as time went by my wife began to find it too difficult to live in another country, and she asked me to go back to Egypt on the grounds that she cannot bear living on her own away from her family and her homeland, and she cannot adjust, even though she has tried to get used to living in Saudi. And she has repeatedly asked me to go back to Egypt. 
What is the Islamic ruling if my wife insists on this request, and gives up her residence permit and does not come back to live with me in Saudi even though I disagree with that?
What should I do so that I will not be wronging her?
Please note that my wife has spent her annual vacation in Egypt for a period of no less than three consecutive months, and I have a daughter from her who is six months old.

Praise be to Allaah.

If the husband travels and wants to take his wife with him, she has to accompany him and move with him, so long as she will be able to live a suitable life and will not be harmed by this travelling.

Imam Maalik (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

The husband has the right to travel with his wife from one country to another, even if she is reluctant, and he should spend on her.

End quote from Tahdheeb al-Mudawwanah, 1/421

Ibn Qudaamah said in al-Mughni (8/181):

The woman is entitled to maintenance from her husband, provided that she make herself completely available to her husband. If she refuses to make herself available or her guardians prevent her from doing so, then she is not entitled to maintenance, even if they stay together for a while. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) married ‘Aa’ishah and consummated the marriage with her after two years, and he did not spend on her maintenance until after he had consummated the marriage, and was not obliged to spend on her for the time that had passed, because maintenance becomes obligatory in return for the wife making herself available as is his right according to the marriage contract; if this condition is met she is entitled to it and if it is not met then she is not entitled to anything. Continue reading

She does not have any male relatives on her father’s side; can her mother’s husband or her brother through her mother be her wali (guardian) for the purpose of marriage?

There is a Sunni Muslim girl who is being cared for by her mother’s husband. She has received a marriage proposal from a compatible young man, but her mother’s husband is refusing to accept any marriage proposal for her because the girl is employed in a government department and he benefits from her salary. Is it permissible for her brothers through her mother to arrange her marriage? Please note that she does not have any full brothers, brothers through her father or paternal uncles, and the qaadi (judge) in our city is an Ithna-‘Ashari Shi‘i who does not rule according to the Qur’aan and Sunnah. Is her primary guardian in this case her mother’s husband or her brothers through her mother?.

Praise be to Allaah.

In order for the marriage to be valid, it is stipulated that it should be done by the wali (guardian) or his deputy, because the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage except with a guardian and two witnesses of good character.” Narrated by al-Bayhaqi from the hadeeth of ‘Imraan and ‘Aa’ishah. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami‘, no. 7557

And the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Any woman who gets married without the permission of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid.” Narrated by Ahmad, 24417; Abu Dawood, 2083; al-Tirmidhi, 1102. classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami‘, no. 2709

At-Tirmidhi (may Allah have mercy on him) said: In this regard, what is to be acted upon is the hadeeth of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), “There is no marriage except with a guardian,” according to the scholars among the Companions of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), including ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab, ‘Ali ibn Abi Taalib, ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Abbaas, Abu Hurayrah and others. End quote.

The woman’s guardian is her father, that his father (her paternal grandfather), then her son, then his son (this applies if she has a son), then her brother through her father and mother, then her brother through her father only, then her brother’s sons (her nephews), then her paternal uncles, then their sons, then the ruler. Continue reading

She loves her husband madly and is looking for a solution

I love my husband madly and he is perfectly happy with me. When he went away for work and I was waiting to join him, I began to miss him and could not rest until he spoke to me. Although I do my religious duties, I feel something lacking when he is not here. What do you advise me to do so that I can be patient until I see him?.

Praise be to Allaah.

It is wonderful to see Muslim homes that are filled with love and compassion. When we see that love and compassion between the spouses in particular, we are very happy about it, because that love and compassion will have a good effect on the family members. One of the greatest signs of Allah is that He created woman from man and it is a sign of His wisdom that He created woman to be a course of comfort and tranquillity for the man. Allah, may He be exalted, mentioned that with regard to Adam and Hawwa’, and all people in general, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):

“It is He Who has created you from a single person (Adam), and (then) He has created from him his wife (Hawwa (Eve)), in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her”

[al-A‘raaf 7:189].

This has to do with Adam and Eve. With regard to humanity in general, Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them”

[ar-Room 30:21]. Continue reading

The reprehensible tradition of the husband’s family showing the virginal blood

Is it permissible for the husband’s family to show the virginal blood?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

This is a reprehensible tradition and an abhorrent action. It is not permissible for the husband to go along with his family in this matter or to agree to it in word or deed, for a number of reasons, including the following:

1.

This is one of the marital secrets that are to be kept. Whatever goes on between the spouses in their private relationship, it is not permissible for them to spread it among people or to tell anyone about it?

2.

This blood is not the sign that distinguishes between a decent woman and others, as is well known, therefore the whole exercise is pointless.

Please see the answer to question no. 40278.

3.

If we assume that the husband discovers that his wife is not a virgin, then he is enjoined to conceal that fact and not disclose it to people. What his family are asking him to do is helping in haraam disclosure, not in concealment which is obligatory.  Continue reading

Giving zakaah to one’s mother if her husband does not spend on her

There is a man who does not give his wife her rights with regard to maintenance, and he does not spend on her properly. Can her son give her something from the zakaah on his wealth to suffice her?.

Praise be to Allaah.

It is not permissible to give one’s mother zakaah that is the share of the poor and needy, because spending on her is obligatory upon her husband; if he is poor or refuses to spend on her, then her children must spend on her.

Ibn Qudaamah (may Allah have mercy on him) said in al-Mughni (2/279): If the poor woman has a husband who is well off, he should spend on her and it is not permissible to give zakaah to her, because she will have what is sufficient for her by means of what reaches her of that obligatory maintenance. If he does not spend on her and is unable to do so, it is permissible to give (zakaah) to her. This was stated by Ahmad. Continue reading