He divorced his wife (talaaq) five times!

After 21 years of marriage we have had major problems for the last 4 years. Basically I have discovered some reasons for our marriage taking place originally which are not nice, I am pretty sure people arranging the marriage thought about personal gain when it comes to overseas marriages etc and not thought too much about me, she has basically said she wants to arrange the marriage of our children and she will decide where and to whom. In October 2010 I said to my wife “From me you have Talaq, its over” (No Witnesses). In December 2010 she forced herself on me and I did respond. In February 2011 I said “you have my second talaq” (No Witnesses), she said “one is enough”. In March 2011 In the heat of the moment I said “You are not my wife” (Children were present) . In May 2011 “I said you have my third Talaq” (In front of most family) and since that time we have been completely separate in different houses. In August I wrote “I divorce you” then signed it and gave it in front of whole family but next day I admitted to my children I did not mean it. Since January to August 2011 due to a lot of factors including lack of sleep and an illness I was not 100% mentally well, I was having obsessive jealous thoughts about someone else and I was obsessed with our problems ie going over them over and over again each day. For the first talaq I was of sound mind but depressed, For the later ones I was in extreme uncontrollable anger especially the one I had written down, I was shaking with anger and saying many things to my brothers, aunts, uncles etc. Since August 2011 I am of sound mind as I have made sure I sleep properly, I have got medical treatment and have distanced our problem from my mind, so I can make a decision about it in the long distance future. I am worried about my children so would be grateful for an answer. Are we islamically divorced? Can we get back together, she still wants to.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

We have previously discussed the ruling on divorce issued in a state of anger, and we have stated that divorce issued in a state of extreme anger in which a person does not have control of himself does not count as such.

See the answer to question no. 22034 and 45174

Based on that, if the second, third, fourth and fifth divorces (talaaqs) were all issued by you in a state of extreme anger, they do not count as such.

The divorce that does count as such is only one, namely the first divorce that you issued when you were not angry. And you can resume life with your wife in a natural manner, whilst striving to gain self-control, and so not hasten to utter the word of divorce every time there is a difference of opinion or argument. Continue reading

Fake divorce in the court so that the wife can get assistance from the state

My father is Syrian and my mother is Emirati, and we live in the Emirates. The Emirates government gives assistance to divorced Emirati women and also gives a loan, to be repaid in instalments, to build a house. Can my father divorce my mother in the court, not with the intention of really divorcing her (talaaq), but only in order to obtain this assistance and to get the loan to build a house, because we are a big family and my father has two wives, and we are twenty people. My father’s intention is not really to divorce my mother; rather it is for the purpose of obtaining the assistance. If it is not halaal, he will divorce her and make that sacrifice so that we can get the house, because life is full of difficulties.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

Allah has ordained divorce (talaaq) to dissolve the marriage contract, which is a firm and strong covenant. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “and they have taken from you a firm and strong covenant” [an-Nisa’ 4:21].

No one has the right to use divorce except in a serious manner and for a reason.

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said: The Lawgiver forbids treating the verses (laws) of Allah as a jest or to speak of the verses of Allah that are covenants, except in a serious manner that shows commitment to the shar‘i conditions and obligations. Hence it is forbidden to take them as a jest as it is also forbidden to engage in a tahleel marriage (in which an irrevocably divorced woman marries another man with the intention of getting divorced so that she can go back to her first husband). This is indicated by the words of Allah (interpretation of the meaning): “And treat not the Verses (Laws) of Allah as a jest” [al-Baqarah 2:231]. And the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon) said: “What is wrong with people who play with the limits of Allaah and take His verses (laws) as a jest, and one of them says, ‘I divorce you, I take you back, I divorce you, I take you back’?” Thus it is established that tampering with them (the laws and limits set by Allah) is haraam. Continue reading

Getting a civil divorce to avoid prison for the husband who has another wife

I have a situation that is causing a dilemma. I married Islamically and registered my marriage in a civil court in America. My husband is muslim and so I am. I recently found out after my marriage that my husband has a first wife and that I am his second wife now. His first wife lives in Jordan and he says he does not have any physical contact with her and he hardly goes to Jordan to see her but it was a family marriage when he was young. We both love each other but are confused as in America our marriage is considered invalid and hence bigamy. We dont want a divorce but it seems if we don’t then he might go to jail if they decide to charge him. Can we get a civil divorce but still be married islamically. He says he can’t divorce his first wife because of inter-marriages in the family that it will cause more divorces within the family. He also a child with her. I am so confused. I thought I was the first wife but turned out I was the second. Now in America, I am afraid that if they annull my marriage then I will not be married islamically. How can we get out of this situation or will I have to lose my marriage?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

You should find out what will result from the civil divorce such as rulings having to do with children, inheritance, mahr and maintenance. If you have a child, will you be able to attribute him to his father? If one of you dies, will the other be able to inherit? How will you be able to prove your rights to maintenance and the deferred portion of the mahr, if there is any?

If you can avoid these negative consequences, and the possibility of your husband going to prison is a real one, then there is nothing wrong with you getting a civil divorce. Continue reading

He said to his wife: I swear a threefold oath (of divorce) that you will go to school

1. I said to my wife: I swear a threefold oath (of divorce) that you will go to school and study. So she started going, but she may skip classes.
2. I said to my wife: I swear a threefold oath (of divorce) that you will go to school tomorrow and the day after, so she went and did not skip class.
3. I had an argument with my wife and I was extremely angry, to the point that I was sweating, and suddenly I said to her without thinking: You are divorced. Please note that she is pregnant.
What is the ruling on swearing an oath in these two ways? Have I divorced my wife or not? Is the third time regarded as a third and final divorce? If it is not, what do I have to do to take my wife back?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

Your saying “I swear an oath …” is not a clear statement of divorce; rather it is a kind of metaphor, so it depends on your intention:

1.     If your intention was to encourage her to go to school and prevent her from missing classes, and you did not intend to divorce her if she refused to go, then she is not divorced if she misses classes, but you have to offer expiation for breaking an oath.

2.     If you did intend divorce in this case, i.e., that she would be divorced if she did not go, then she is divorced if she did not go.

3.     If she went then skipped class, this also depends on your intention. If what you meant was that she should never skip class, then it counts as a divorce; but if you meant that she should go and not refuse, and it never occurred to you that she would skip class after going, then no divorce has taken place if she missed classes.

4.     If divorce has taken place, then it counts as one talaaq.  Continue reading

She insisted on asking him for a divorce so he divorced her without really intending it

I have pronounced DEVORCE for FIVE times un-intentionally, to get rid of that situation created by my wife & under the huge pressure and continuous insisting of her. I dont want to give her Devorce, but it is just because of her continuous demand and creating un-avoidable situation for me to do that.Please advise.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

If the husband clearly uuters the word of divorce (talaaq), then it counts as a talaaq, whether he intended it or not, because in the case of a clear utterance of divorce it is not stipulated that there should be the intention, unless he was forced to do it or he said it in a state of extreme anger, in which case his divorce does not count as such.

Please see the answer to question no. 97641 and 99645

The wife’s persistence in asking for a divorce does not count as being forced. If the husband wanted to put a stop to her persistence and uttered the word of divorce without intending it as such, it still counts as a divorce.  Continue reading

He gave her a third talaaq (divorce) and claimed that he said that in anger

My sister, my mother and I were arguing with my mother’s husband, because he struck her on her hand, and my brother started screaming at him and insulting him, and threw him out of the house. When he went out, he stood there for two minutes then he said, “Open the door!” When my mother opened the door, he said to her: “You are divorced,” then my mother shut the door. This was the third divorce. The next day, he told her that he said it in anger and that the divorce definitely did not count and we are not divorced. I hope that you can help me and give me the ruling on this divorce, because we wear hijab and we are afraid that our mother may fall into major sins.

Praise be to Allaah.

Divorce uttered in anger is subject to further discussion, which has been discussed previously in the answer to question no. 45174. In this case we advise you to refer this issue to one of the trustworthy scholars in your country who can listen to your mother and her husband, and find out the nature of the anger he was feeling when he uttered the divorce.  Continue reading

His wife wants to leave him but he does not want to divorce her

My wife refuses to have sexual relations for last 3 months, does not let me touch her, says I am fat and ugly, wants to separate and is forcing me to say that we should separate
I do not want to let her go , I love her very much, But I just dont know what to do?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

It is not permissible for the woman to refuse to go to bed with her husband without a valid excuse such as menses, sickness or an obligatory duty such as fasting, Hajj and the like. If she does that then she has exposed herself to sin and curses. It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “If a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he goes to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning comes.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2998.  Continue reading

Does the divorce issued by a kaafir judge or the court in a Western country count as talaaq?

I was married for 6 years –a troubelsome marriage but alhamdulillah.my husband was a drug addcit –although i tried to help-nothing changed .situation was unbearable.and for the sake of my children and me .we separated.after two years and no change on his side ,i sought divorse from the courts as he refused to give it.i got fasaq(divorse took place ).its been a few years now.i wanted to know,what that divorse is considered as -is it 1 talaq?things are changing on his side ,i was wondering if i wanted to get back with him,,whats the process,- is it possible to get married again,or not?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

It is permissible for a woman to ask for divorce (talaaq) if the husband persists in committing immoral actions, such as drinking alcohol or taking drugs. If the husband refuses to give her a divorce, she may refer the matter to the Islamic judge (qaadi) so that he can force the husband to divorce her or he himself can issue a divorce, if the husband refuses to give a divorce. If there is no Islamic judge, she may refer the case to the Islamic authorities in her country, such as the Islamic Centre, so that they can convince the husband to issue a divorce (talaaq) or ask him to let her go by means of khula‘. And it is permissible to have that shar‘i divorce (talaaq) documented after that in the court that is based on the man-made law of the land, because there is a need for that documentation.  Continue reading

Her husband did not fulfil her hopes of a life based on religious commitment; should she ask for divorce?

To the proper authorities
“Any woman who asks her husband for a divorce when it is not absolutely necessary, the fragrance of Paradise will be forbidden to her.
I want you to clarify this phrase in the Quran and then relate it to my situation as follows: For approx. 4-5 years ago I met an honest, respectable, religious guy over the internet who lives in a Muslim country. I was born and raised in Europe by Muslim parents. We began to be very attracted to one another, not least because we are both attracted to another Dunya than this – Jannah. Or at least we want more than simply adhering to the 5 pillars of Islam. We set out to make our relationship halal of course know to get married, but my parents did not accept this man because he comes from another country, ethnicity and status. I decided not to go against my parents wishes and told them that I would drop him. Admittedly, we did not contact each other for a while. In the meantime, I encountered a religious Muslim man in Europe from the same country as my parents. He seemed very religious and cash about Islam and I fell in love all alone in the stories he told about our Prophet, etc.
Although there were other important trait in him which I disliked, I chose to accept his marriage offer because his religious side perhaps reminded me of the first guy I could not marry. To make a long story short, after we were married my husband changed and went no more into religion as much as he goes up in indifference culture, norms and materiel things in the world. He prays, fasts, etc., but this is not enough for me, as I had hoped imagined a lifewhere together we became stronger in religion, taught the Koran together, etc.
Beyond this, we disagree about almost everything, often argue and his family mixone part in our affairs and creates problems for us. We have tried to solve our maritalproblems several times through dialogues, etc., but regardless, it helps. We fail, however, sometimes to have quiet periods, not because we have agreed but because we intentionally keep the discussions to an acceptable level. 3 years after, Im still in this marriage and I now feel depressed, unhappy and easy prey to wiswas. I feel I have wasted my best young years of pointless games where I instead should have been courteous stronger and wiser in our religion.
Islam is the key to happiness and purification of the soul and I had hoped he had helped me through difficult times by following the word of Allah. I am disappointedand Unhappy and only think about divorce.
I have endured so long and avoided divorce because I know Allah dislikes Divorce, but on the other how do I come closer to Allah by carrying on in this marriage. How are the rulings if I one day decide to ask for a divorce ?
Maybe with the intention of finding another man who could help me and bring me closer to Allah now that Im weak?.

Praise be to Allaah.

If your husband is serious about his religion, prays regularly and avoids haraam things, then he is a righteous husband and you should stay with him, take care of him, and help him to perfect his righteousness.

The fact that he falls short in seeking knowledge, memorising Qur’aan or calling people to Allah, may He be exalted, or that life with him has not reached the ideal that the wife was dreaming of is not a reason that makes it permissible for her to seek to leave him. There is no husband but someone else is better than him and more perfect than him, because there is no limit to perfection. Continue reading

Is it prescribed to pray istikhaarah concerning divorce?

Is it permissible to pray istikhaarah concerning the issue of divorce?.

Praise be to Allaah.

It is prescribed to pray istikhaarah concerning permissible matters or when choosing between mustahabb matters. With regard to things that are obligatory, mustahabb, haraam or makrooh, it is not prescribed to pray istikhaarah concerning them.

It says in al-Mawsoo‘ah al-Fiqhiyyah, 3/243: There is no room for istikhaarah with regard to matters that are obligatory, haraam or makrooh. Rather it applies to things that are recommended and permissible. And with regard to recommended matters, istikhaarah should not be done to decide whether to do them or not, because they are required. Rather it should be done when there is a conflict, i.e., when there are two conflicting matters and one does not know which one to start with or limit himself to. With regard to permissible matters, one may pray istikhaarah when deciding whether to do them at all. End quote.  Continue reading