His parents want to separate, and each of them wants him to be on their side

My parents are in the moment of getting divorced through court. My mothers statement in the court contains lies according to my father. As well as my father’s statement in the court contains nothing but lies according to my mother. Now my mother wants my help to tell my father to stop spreading fitnah, and my father wants my help too to say the same thing to my mother. As a son, I can’t pick a team. I know that my mother is not 100% to be blamed for her statement and neither my father. but Allah knows best. I don’t like the way they both getting divorced by neglecting the way that Allah and His Messenger SAW already prescribed in the Quran and Sunnah. I have tired many times to give them advice, showing them the truth but nothing as the result. Can you please give this son some advice on what he can do as a muslim son in this situation and to help him get rid of the feeling of being helpless.

Praise be to Allaah.

Honouring one’s parents is a duty that is enjoined on children, and disobeying them is something that is definitively forbidden. Allah, may He be blessed and exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour.

And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small.’

Your Lord knows best what is in your inner-selves. If you are righteous, then, verily, He is Ever Most Forgiving to those who turn unto Him again and again in obedience, and in repentance”

[al-Isra’ 17:23-25]. Continue reading

Is it obligatory for him to migrate from the West when his mother and family need him?

I need some good advice. Praise be to Allah, I am in a situation where it is possible for me to go to the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia and fulfil the obligation of Hajj. I have two master’s degrees and also a bachelor’s in teaching English as a foreign language, and the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia will accept me as an English-language teacher, in sha Allah. I have got some good offers and I am about to leave. 
But my mother is ill with fourth stage cancer and my father travels a great deal for his work. I have younger brothers and a sister, but they are very young and cannot help my mother and meet her needs. My mother loves my wife and my child and she wants to be always near them, but my mother does not want to live in Saudi Arabia; she wants to complete her treatment here in the USA, and she hates “the Arab race”! I do not want to live in the USA more than that, because I fear for my religious commitment. If I stay I will work in a mixed high school which is a source of fitnah (temptation). I am very anxious because they could prevent me from praying Jumu‘ah. There is a Muslim community very near my family (Masjid at-Tawheed in Atlanta), but I do not want to live in the West any more. I also have a debt (student loan) that I have repay and I know that it will be impossible to pay it in this country, but in Saudi Arabia I may be able to save money in sha Allah.
What should I do?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

We ask Allah to make you and your family steadfast in adhering to Islam and to enable you to obey Him. The one who is able to adhere to his religion in these days – especially in the West – is like one who is holding onto a hot coal. You have to fear Allah in secret and in public, and hasten to do good. Ask Allah a great deal to make you steadfast and Allah will help you and protect you.

The Muslim has to migrate for the sake of his religion from the lands of kufr and shirk. This life is very short and no one knows when his time will be up and death will come to him.

It was narrated that Jareer ibn ‘Abdullah said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “I have nothing to do with any Muslim who settled among the mushrikeen.”

Narrated by at-Tirmidhi, 1604; Abu Dawood, 2645. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh at-Tirmidhi. Continue reading

If his father tells him to bring a table for the television

If my father told me to do something that I do not think is halaal or haraam, what should I do? For example, if he tells me to help him to bring a table for the television when the television may be used for both halaal and haraam?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Television, as you say, may be used for both halaal and haraam purposes. If your father only uses it to watch permissible things, there is nothing wrong with helping him to carry it or to carry something to put it on; rather that is helping him in doing something good and you have to obey him if he tells you to do that.

But if he is using it to watch things that are haraam, then it is not permissible for you to help him in any way, not by turning the TV on, or by carrying it or carrying something to put it on, because Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Help you one another in Al‑Birr and At‑Taqwa (virtue, righteousness and piety); but do not help one another in sin and transgression. And fear Allaah. Verily, Allaah is Severe in punishment”

[al-Maa’idah 5:2]  Continue reading

She has a friend who does not wear hijab and her mother has told her not to be friends with her; should she obey her mother?

I have a friend from high school days who does not wear hijab and I do. I have advised her often to wear hijab, but she does not want to wear it. Now we are in university but my mother is now insisting that I do not go out with my friend or walk with her, because she wears tight clothes and does not wear hijab. My mother tells me: If you walk with her you will incur sin like her. Is this true? I love my friend and cannot keep away from her. My only contact with her now is by phone only, to see how she is, and I pray for her to be guided. What is the solution?.

Praise be to Allaah.

There is no problem such that you should seek a solution for it. What your mother says is correct and you have to obey her. This is obligatory for you for two reasons: from an Islamic point of view and because she is your mother.

There is no doubt that the Muslim is influenced by his friend, especially if he loves his friend dearly, because that love makes him turn a blind eye to his friend’s sins and errors, and it may lead him to admire him to such an extent that he begins to imitate him in everything, even the way he walks. This is something that is seen a great deal but no one can deny it.  Continue reading

Should he obey his mother by taking out a riba-based loan?

I am working in Tata Consultancy Services Ltd as a Team Leader for 2.3 years, Chennai. Alhamdulillah, I am earning a good salary and after withdrawing it, I keep some amount for Zakaat and Sadqah and the remaining I give it to my mother. She insists me to buy a home and a car for loan. I rejected it immediately because it involves riba (interest).
She is aware that Riba is total haram (prohibited), but she continues to demand and scold me because my other family members have car and own house. I said “Allah (swt) has prohibited interest in Islam”. She said” I know it, but you have to hear (obey) what I have said”. When I rejected the request, it made her very angry and sometimes she does not speak to me.
Please advice me what shall I do. We are living as one family and I dont want to leave my parents because I love and respect them.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

It is obligatory to obey parents except in matters that are sinful, because the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “There is no obedience to any human being if it involves sin; obedience is only in that which is right and proper.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 7257; Muslim, 1840.

And he said: “There is no obedience to any human being if it involves disobedience of Allah.”

Narrated by Ahmad, 1098

Obedience to parents is obligatory upon the child in matters that are beneficial to them and do not harm the child. With regard to that in which there is no benefit for them or there is harm for the child, he is not obliged to obey them in that case.

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said in al-Ikhtiyaaraat (p. 114): The individual is obliged to obey his parents in matters that are not sinful, even if they are evildoers. … This has to do with that which is beneficial for them and not harmful for him. End quote.  Continue reading

Her maternal aunt and her husband brought her up; do they have the same rights as parents to good treatment?

In Islam, our parents, especially our mothers are to be honored above all others. There is much about the importance of obeying them and treating them well in both the Quran and the Sunnah.
My mother died after she gave birth to me and I was raised by my mothers aunt and her husband. They were childless and when I came along, with my father’s permission, they raised me as their own daughter with much love and indulgence.
I call them mother and father, but I know they are not my real parents, and I am named after my own father and all my life they have encouraged me to maintain a good relationship with my father.
Both my real father and the one who raised me has passed away now. Only my mother remains and she is in her old age now.
My question is, do the same rule that applies to real parents apply to adoptive parents also? Alhamdulillaahi I have always tried my best to be a dutiful daughter, but if I were in some way to make my mother unhappy, would it be a sin upon me, even though she is not my real mother?
Also, it is said that the only thing that will benefit someone who is dead are the du’aa from his or her children. I have always loved the father who raised me more than my real father, but I always include both of them in my du’aa (along with my mother). But since I’m not the real child of my adoptive father, do you think my du’aa would have the same effect?
I have searched Q&A for some time now, but haven’t been able to find an answer to my question. If you have already provided the answer to my question, then I would appreciate it if you would direct me to the fatwa number.

Praise be to Allaah.

No one has any rights equal to the right that parents have over their children. Allah has mentioned their rights alongside His rights, as He, may He be glorified and exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour.

24. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young.’”

[al-Isra’ 17:23, 24].  Continue reading

Ruling on ‘ataaqah or reading Qur’aan for the dead

My father has died, and he was sick for the last four years of his life. He died a month ago at the age of 52. He was sick with heart disease and could not move or walk; he also had diabetes and high blood pressure. I would like to know whether there is anything called ataaqah al-salaah for him. Some of the Shaykhs say that this means getting Shaykhs to read Qur’aan for him, but some people disagree. I would like an answer to this question. Aren’t his sins expiated because of his suffering during the last few years of his life, or should ‘ataaqah salaah be offered for him as they say?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

Reading Qur’aan is a purely physical act of worship, and it is not permissible to accept payment for reading Qur’aan for the deceased, or to give payment to one who reads, and there is no reward in that case, and the one who takes payment and the one who gives it are both sinning.

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said: It is not correct to hire someone to read Qur’aan and give the reward for that to the deceased, because that has not been narrated from any of the imams. The scholars said: The one who reads for money will have no reward, so what does he have to give to the deceased? End quote.

The basic principle concerning that is that acts of worship are forbidden; no act of worship should be done unless there is shar’i evidence to show that it is prescribed. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And obey Allaah and the Messenger”

[al-Maa’idah 5:92]

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever does anything that is not in accordance with this matter of ours will have it rejected.” According to another report: “Whoever introduces anything into this matter of ours that is not part of it will have it rejected.” This action – hiring someone to read Qur’aan for the dead – is something that it is not known that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) or any of his companions did it, and the best of guidance is the guidance of Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and the worst of matters are those which are innovated. All goodness is in following that which the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) brought, with the proper intention. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And whosoever submits his face (himself) to Allaah, while he is a Muhsin (good‑doer, i.e. performs good deeds totally for Allaah’s sake without any show-off or to gain praise or fame and does them in accordance with the Sunnah of Allaah’s Messenger Muhammad), then he has grasped the most trustworthy handhold”

[Luqmaan 31:22]

“Yes, but whoever submits his face (himself) to Allaah (i.e. follows Allaah’s religion of Islamic Monotheism) and he is a Muhsin then his reward is with his Lord (Allaah), on such shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve”

[al-Baqarah 2:112]

All evil lies in going against that which was brought by the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and directing one’s intention in any deed to someone or something other than Allaah.

End quote from Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah.

There is no basis for this ‘ataaqah in sharee’ah; it is a reprehensible innovation that was not done by the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and he did not tell us to do it, and none of his companions (may Allaah be pleased with them) did it either. Whatever is like that, no believer should do it. Continue reading

Does he have to ask his parents for permission to travel a short distance for two days?

My father and mother live in one city and I live in another city because of my work. One day my wife and I travelled to a neighbouring state for two days and came back. One of my friends told me that I had disobeyed my father by doing that, because I did not tell them before I went. Please note that I told them about it when I was in that country. Have I really been disobedient towards my parents?.

Praise be to Allaah.

If one or both parents does not need the son to serve them, nurse them and so on, then there is nothing wrong with him travelling to a safe place where there is no danger without asking their permission, and he is not regarded as disobedient towards them because of that. If he tells them about his trip out of respect for them and to make them feel good, that is better.

As for a trip in which there is the risk of dying, such as a trip for the purpose of jihad, it is essential to seek their permission so long as jihad is not an individual obligation in his case.

Al-Kasaani (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in Badaa’i’ al-Sanaa’i’ (7/98): He should not go out for jihad except with the permission of his parents or of one of them, if the other is deceased, because honouring one’s parents is an individual obligation so it takes precedence over a communal obligation.

The basic principle is that with regard to any journey in which there is the risk of dying and where danger is great, it is not permissible for a son to set out without the permission of his parents, because they love their son and will be harmed by that. If there is no great danger involved in a journey, then it is permissible for him to set out without their permission so long as that will not affect them, because it does not cause them any actual harm. Some of our shaykhs granted a concession allowing a son to travel in order to seek knowledge without their permission, because they will not be harmed by that, rather they will benefit from it, so he is not regarded as being disobedient to them. End quote. Continue reading

He wants to get married but his mother is objecting to that because he is young

I am nineteen years old, and I want to get married, but my mother does not want me to because she thinks that this is not the time to get married. Is it permissible for a man in Islam to get married without his parents’ agreement and without telling them until things improve, in sha Allaah?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

It is permissible for a man to get married without his parents’ agreement, unlike a woman, for whose marriage to be valid it is essential that her wali (guardian) agrees. But it is part of honouring one’s parents and treating them kindly to ask for their permission and seek their approval, because that is more likely to keep relationships with them harmonious. Continue reading

She respects her mother-in-law more than she respects her mother!

Will I be rewarded for honouring my mother-in-law?
Will Allaah forgive me for not respecting my mother as I should, if I respect my mother-in-law?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Allaah has prescribed the best and most just of rulings, which bring happiness to individuals, families and societies. Hence He has prescribed rights and duties for every individual in society, so life will run smoothly and each person will know what he is entitled to and what he must do.

The husband’s rights over his wife are great, and have to do with him, his wealth, his house and his family. Showing respect to the husband’s family, especially his parents, is part of showing respect to one’s husband and treating him well. When a woman does her duties towards her husband, she is obeying her Lord and has the hope of reward from Him.

Honouring your mother-in-law is something that is to be appreciated, and no one can deny that. Rather what you are doing is in accordance with Islam and common sense. By doing that you are earning the pleasure of your husband and contributing to the success of your marriage and protecting it against things that may spoil it.

But one should not obey one’s Lord in one way and forget other aspects. It is not permissible for your respect towards your mother-in-law to be at the expense of respect for your own mother, because parents – and especially the mother – have important rights over their children. See the answer to question no. 5053 for more information on the mother’s rights over her children.

You have to honour your mother and treat her kindly even if she is a kaafir, as much as you can and as much as your circumstances allow. But if she calls you to kufr and strives to make you follow that, as our Lord says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents; but if they strive to make you join with Me (in worship) anything (as a partner) of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not”

[al-‘Ankaboot 29:8]

and

“But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them in the world kindly”

[Luqmaan 31:15]. Continue reading